I Like Records 40

A "tam o'shanter" or "tam"

My band had a show at Maxwells friday night and it was really good. Maxwells is an oasis for bands, they get treated ridiculously well there. Anyhow, while it was a great night, it was miserable outside. It felt like a giant dog was breathing on you and it was a late night for me as I had to be in work at 9am, I don’t snap back like I used to. The day was wretchedly slow and shitty. A Bataan death march towards 6pm and freedom, by late afternoon coffee had lost any of it’s effectiveness. It was about ten to six and this kid came in looking at posters, just some teenage kid but he was wearing an oversized tam o’shanter crocheted with the colors of the Jamaican flag. If you wear dreads, then fucking tam away my friend. This kid had no dreads, it was just part of his “it’s all good, man” look and I hope he was stoned because stupid like this is a goddamned crime. I know I was dead tired and I know I was probably “old man grumpus”, but this goddamned kid got on my last nerve:
Kid- Do you got this Sublime poster?
Me- Yeah, it’s right there in the number 8 slot.
Kid- Number 8?… whaaat?
Me-Yeah, it’s poster number 8, the number on the poster goes with the slot.
Kid- Sublime is number 8?
Me- yeah, it’s right there
Kid- I don’t…uh…Sublime?
Me- Do you see the numbers?
Kid- yeah
Me- Do you see number 8? that’s the Sublime poster
Kid- I don’t see number 8…I see 15….I see 16…I see 17…
Me- It’s the row above that
Kid- row..above that?
Me- JESUS CHRIST! IT’S RIGHT BY YOUR HAND!
Kid- …oh…yeah…

I was a shell of a man when I left work.

    • Cheryl McGourley Middaugh-Zim
    • July 25th, 2010

    Jesus, Cronin! Oh, I forgot you are uncomfortable with all the hoopla of such formality, and that I should just call you Jesus. That identified, Jesus, I nearly pee’d my pants and shit the bed reading some of your blog and your FaceBook page. Funny-haha + fucking funny-peculiar! All rolled into one like a snap pig on a stick, buck teeth leading as it goes for your throat in a spit-frothed frenzy. Let’s say it is funnier than a white killer rabbit attack by far. Oh, and heretofore you can call me ‘Loretta’.

    • Morty Lambstershank
    • July 26th, 2010

    Drum circles = Anthrax. you should have yourself checked.

    • Chris Burns
    • July 26th, 2010

    Thank you for carrying on the “old man grumpus” tradition established by the eponymous Jack, although in his heyday they would have been black light posters, and he would have to see some cash first.

  1. “stupid like this is a goddamned crime.” Great! You should have just ripped him off of his crappy pot then resold it to him.

    • feedtim
    • July 30th, 2010

    I was pretty much an impatient douche there. I should have ripped off his weed and sold it back, poetic justice (somewhat). Cheryl, glad you like it. i had forgotten about the “Jesus, Cronin” of missus Slattery, I always forgot the comma. Chris you wound me, sir. Although I know you’re right. I don’t understand the Drum circle=anthrax thing.

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