I Hate Me, Part 277,809

I Worked on the fourth of July, it sucked. We were having a cookout after work and on my way home I went to pick up some beer. I went to the giant liquor store, thinking I was going to get some exotic cool guy beer. I ended up with what I always get Yuengling Lager, which is fine. Anyhow, as I was checking out, my wife called to ask me to pick up paper plates and last minute stuff, so I swung by Foodtown.  I wanted to be real quick as I didn’t want the beer to get warm. I ran in picked up paper plates and the other stuff and went to the 15 items or less checkout. As I was getting on line the guy who was checking out made a mad dash past me, because he forgot something. It didn’t bother me because the kid was still ringing up his stuff, mostly fruit and vegetables . The cashier was acting like he had come from a planet that didn’t have fruit or vegetables. He was scrutinizing everything, like he had just seen each thing for the first time. I know that there are many types of apples and stuff like that but a lemon is a lemon. I’m pretty sure that Foodtown doesn’t have nine varieties of lemons. So while I was doing a slow burn about the cashier, the customer was nowhere to be seen. Actually I did see him run down an aisle halfway and then run back with nothing and go down a different aisle. All I could think about was my beer getting warm and why the hell couldn’t we just eat off of regular plates. I couldn’t believe how goddamned slow the cashier was and where the fuck is the customer. He finally came back with two cans of tomatoes and finished up. The cashier, a young kid, couldn’t give a fuck and I’m sure he was wishing death on all the customers, Christ knows I would have. So as I’m checking out, a drunk guy comes steaming down the line behind me and he’s not stopping. Don’t fucking tell me this douche pig is gonna hit me with his cart and POW! he hit me with his cart. I gave him my “Hey, Haah!” look and he muttered a “sorry buddy” and slammed down his purchases; a giant box of Ritz Crackers and a gallon of bleach. I was finally finished, drove home as fast as I could, opened a warm Yuengling and cursed humanity.

    • chris
    • July 6th, 2010

    maybe that guy dunks his crackers in bleach like i dunk oreos in milk and he wasn’t drunk at all.
    😀

    • CitizenCliff
    • July 12th, 2010

    Glad I put down my wine while I was reading this otherwise it woulda sprayed outta my nose all over everything. You are our you sitcom.

    • CitizenCliff
    • July 12th, 2010

    Jeesh — too much wine. I meant: You are your own sitcom.

  1. i worked at a foodtown in high school. i hated my manager. when he left at night i would throw jars of spaghetti sauce at the cement wall in the stock room. they would shatter and make a mess exploding sauce everywhere. sometimes i would throw jars of grape jelly. ‘that’ll teach him’ i thought.

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