Archive for June 4th, 2010

I Hate Me, Part 87,542

I was late to band practice and was getting a coffee at 7-11. I had parked in the bank parking next door and as I was walking through the lot I heard this woman behind me yelling “I caught that bitch Debbie from the library stealing my records!…Debbie and her asshole husband stole my library records and gave them to the government!…and I caught her!”. Now she sounded batshit crazy but I wasn’t sure if she was on a cell phone or just ranting and I wanted to know, so I snuck a peek. Bad move. Of course she wasn’t on a cell phone and she caught me looking so now she was yelling at me. “…That bitch Debbie…she stole…” I walked into 7-11, she didn’t follow but stood outside and watched me get my coffee through the window. I was trying not to look out at her, but I had to see if she was still there and…Gahh! there she was staring at me, unblinking, waiting. When I left the store she followed me, “She stole my…records…MY LIBRARY RECORDS…that bitch…Debbie…Debbie and her asshole husband!” I was in such a rush to get out of there that I almost ran her over, which of course would have triggered some supernatural Twighlight Zone type scenario where this crazy ranting woman would have haunted me to the grave and beyond.