Archive for May 11th, 2010

I Hate Me, Part 161,992

The shirt sort of looked like this

This happened a real long time ago. It was summer 1980, I was 18 and had just graduated High School (Raritan High in Hazlet). I was a cook at a Sheraton Inn and it was payday. I was driving my grandfathers old car, a ‘65 Buick Special. It was a solid car but I had beaten the hell out of it, so it ran a little squirrelly. For some reason that I now forget I was driving it with no air filter on the carburetor. This was not a good thing to do. I had picked up my check, cashed it and went to the K-Mart and bought Pink Floyd-Wish You Were Here. I had an 8-track player in my car but decided to go with the LP. I was pulling out of the K-Mart parking lot on my way back to work, when my car died. Right in the no-mans land between the exit and the turning lane of Highway 35. The car wouldn’t start and I got out to check under the hood. When I opened the hood I saw flames shooting out of the carburetor. Panicking, I grabbed a shirt out of the back seat and tried to put out the fire. It was a shirt that said Marijuana with the McDonalds golden arches. I didn’t realize that it was a polyester blend shirt and as I went to beat the fire out with it, it started melting onto the engine. Then seemingly out of nowhere a cop stepped up with a proper fire extinguisher and quickly put out the fire. After the fire was put out he saw the half melted marijuana shirt on the engine. He had me push the car back into the parking lot, where he then proceeded to search it to no avail. I ended up getting a ticket. The car lasted for many more years before my brother finally killed it.