I Hate Me, Pt. 116,881

30 Seconds Over Foodtown

Another long day and I figured I’d get some cold cuts at Foodtown for dinner. It was a little after nine and the deli department was pretty empty. There were two customers and three people behind the counter, this shouldn’t take long. The first customer, a woman was ordering a bunch of stuff but not all at once. It was excruciating, every time I thought she was finished “mmm…….and…a half pound of boiled ham” Okay, that looks like the end, wait, no. “mmmmmm……how about…..mmmm….a quarter pound of…….(OF WHAT!!!)…mmm…Jarlsberg….and of course I want some salads”. She was completely making it up as she was going along, no rhyme or reason. This went on for about ten minutes, meanwhile the other customer was this guy who wanted to chat with the deli guy, “Whoa… that’s a great price for the Boars Head chedder, I’ll take half a pound…but stack it so it doesn’t stick together….Do you guys have a secret trick for stacking cheese so it doesn’t stick?…Man, that’s a good price….Hey…hey how much are you slicing there buddy, I only want half a pound (The deli guy weighs it, it comes in at about a quarter pound)…You know that looks like a lot more…I would have taken it…if it was over though…I love that cheese….You know what I want next… six slices of the Liverwurst…cut ‘em thick….but not too thick…” It went on and on, meanwhile the third deli guy saw I was waiting for a while and he comes up. I kind of know this guy from going there so much, so I figured I’d get sorted, “Hey, it’s the Jacks Music man, how are you doin’”, “Well I’m just waiting to get served.” , “What are you gettin’? The usual? Quarter pound of roast beef, right.”, “yeah, that’s great. Thanks.” Okay, here we go. He grabs the roast beef, takes it out of the wrapping and points to the guy who’s helping the talkative douche. “Yeah, he’ll take care of you when he’s done.” Yeah, I fucking know he’ll take care of me when he’s done, but he’ll never be done. Of course, I manage a small, tight smile, “….oh…okay…” I finally get my stuff and pick up the rest of what I need and head to the check out. My two nemeses were at the regular checkout, with their thousands of pounds of sliced deli goods and salads, they’d be there all night. Luckily the 10 items or less aisle was open, alright. Well, there’s nobody there, I wait and I look over at the courtesy desk and I see two teenage shlubs yakkin’ it up and I’m thinking if either one of those two motherfuckers is supposed to be ringing me up, I’m gonna…and I realize I’m not gonna do a goddamn thing, I’m gonna pay for my food and curse them under my breath. I start to stare/glare at the courtesy desk, the power of my glare will move them. Eventually, one of them sees me and ambles over. I give him my best angry “Whatthefuck?” look and he stammers,”Sorry….I was buying gum” and then shows me a stack of 5 packs of Trident. That was an answer I wasn’t expecting, I paid and shuffled out

  1. deep breaths….(inhaling from a hookah, of course)….

    • Brett Beach
    • April 19th, 2010

    I suggest a separate blog of RB Foodtown entries only. That place is hell incarnate and between all of us suckers who go there all the time (seemingly for no sane reason) it could be some good reading.

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