I Hate Me, Part 309,772

My wife got me a Blu-Ray player for my birthday, which was a great gift. We wanted to watch something that would visually kick our ass. I had suggested My Dinner With Andre, there was an argument but cooler heads prevailed and we watched Iron Man. Now as many of you know I like comics, (if I could invent a font for the phrase “I Like Comics” would be called Sweetly Retarded a font with backwards and misshapen letters). My wife wanting to watch a comic book movie was alright with me. So we’re watching and it looks great and we get to the part where Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.) is building what is to become Iron Man and my wife asks “Did he name himself Iron Man right away?” and I was thinking “Great, here come the dumbass questions” So in my douchiest comic geek manner “No, He didn’t name himself during his origin, he came up with it later.” “Oh, because I thought he called himself Iron Man when he was building it.”, “No (sheesh)”. The next day I went and looked in my Iron Man Essentials Volume One and I’ll be goddamned, Tony Stark starts calling himself Iron Man on page 7. I felt like an emasculated geek. My wife grew up cooler than me, she had five older brothers and sisters when she was growing up and was exposed to not only a shitload of comics but cool music as well. When she was being turned onto Alice Cooper-Billion Dollar Babies and T-Rex, I was stuck with an AM radio tuned to WABC listening to King Harvest and Jim Croce.  So I went up to the attic where I keep my records and comics, aka The Fortress of Solitude, or The Nerd Hutch depending on who you’re asking. Some people refer to a place like that as “A Man Cave” which sounds embarrassing and lame. “Man Cave” sounds like a mixture of Adam Carolla, Spike TV, and Coors Light. “Yeah baby, I’m going to my man cave and getting my football on, call me when my bro’s show up with a couple of cases of Rocky Mountain goodness.” Anyhow, my records and comics told me I was still cool, but they’ve been known to lie.

    • Hands_of_Ditko
    • February 9th, 2010

    The Hands of Ditko sayeth that you are lucky, my friend–as your wife sounds like she understands your comic nerditry. Alas, I am not so lucky to have that understanding with my women folk.

    By the hoary hosts of haggoth, give that lady a big hug and kiss and be glad she even questioned anything comic book related–even if it was this movie.

    Nuff said

    • Matt
    • February 9th, 2010

    Why is she still with you?

    • fanboy central
    • February 9th, 2010

    Dear Sir,
    It has been brought to our attention that you have failed in your comic book obsessed duties.
    Consider your fanboy membership revoked. You will no longer be allowed to attend comic-con. You will no longer be allowed to make STAR WARS references. Any and all pimples still attached to your body must removed and returned to us IMMEDIATELY!
    Please report to Jay & Silent Bob for further reconditioning.
    Thank you.

    • chris burns
    • February 10th, 2010

    You comic book types are so sad. Get a life, like the guy in DC’s Strange Adventures #95, August 1958 with the Gil Kane/Frank Giacoia cover, okay?

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