My Presidential Hair



Millard Filmore

my president hair

My presidential hair


martin van buren

Martin Van Buren

There’s an old saying that goes something along the lines of “Any little boy can grow up to be president of the United States”. Well my parents bought into that and I was going to be presidential material. Unfortunately at an early age my parents discovered they were wrong. My political speeches as a six year old were laughable, one memorable speech at the VFW hall comparing the escalation of the war in Viet-Nam to bad halloween candy (especially Bit-O-Honey) almost got us thrown out of our neighborhood. There was also the milk money scandal in third grade so my political future looked bleak. Then one day my mom noticed that my hair looked like Kennedy hair and there was still hope for their presidential aspirations for me. When I lost the election for class president in fifth grade to a portrait of Thomas Jefferson we all knew that politics were over for me. However, my parents continued to compare my hair to the presidents. “You’re looking a little James Polk-ish there, time for a haircut young man” my father told me once, and another time “Who do you think you are, Chester A. Arthur! Trim those side burns”. One time while taking acid I experimented with a stove pipe hat and a neck beard, I was thrown out of the house for a month. So today my wife suggested that maybe it was time to get a hair cut and when I looked in the mirror I realized that my presidential hair forefathers were Millard Filmore and Martin Van Buren



    • Art Buchwald
    • November 6th, 2009

    They say that laughter’s the best medicine.

    Well, pump my stomach and hit me in the heart with the adrenaline spike — I just overdosed on hearty he haws!


  1. You’re the only guy I like besides Lincoln who can wear chin hair sans mustache!

    • Gus Chuchaco
    • November 24th, 2009


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