I Hate Me, Part 300,002
I was at work and went to Starbucks for a coffee. While there I was asked if i wanted to take a taste test for their new instant coffee called Via, it was intimated that a prize might be involved for taking the test. My thinking was more time there, less time at work and if there was a prize involved all the better. The woman poured two cups of black coffee and as I was about to drink the first one she said, “I just brewed it so it’s fresh and hot” and hot it was, molten hot to be precise. I just took a tiny sip and Aaaaaggghh! “Well how how did it taste?” Stealing a phrase from Ralph Wiggum, I said “It tastes like burning”. “OK, try this cup it’s not as hot.” Liar! If by not as hot she meant the difference between eating 5 lit matches and eating 10, then yes technically it wasn’t as hot. “Ok how was that one? Which one tastes better?” I couldn’t tell, all I could taste was scorched tongue, but I lied and pointed to the first cup. “Here’s your prize” It was a dollar off card and a free Via instant coffee packet. I mumbled an unintelligiable “thanks” and went back to work with what felt like a sock on my tongue.