Because You Asked

In my last blog (I Hate Me, Pt. 119,014 10/26/09) I let slip about me being an author of mystery novels. Well, from the amount of mail I’ve received (Ex: “Please tell us more! I for one am excited about your secret noveling career!!” from Stim Cronine , and this one “Wow!!! You’re a novelizer!?! I’m intrigued, more info please!! From Tin Kronen) I’ve decided to let the cat out of the talking bag (as it were) and tell you about some of the books I’ve written. The Red Apple Mystery series feature a detective for the ages, Hiram “Red” Apple who is equal parts; Sherlock Holmes, Don Rickles, Socrates, Ladybird Johnson, Johnny Appleseed, Pope Pious IX, and Fran Tarkenton. I introduced “Red” in the leading mystery/farming magazine, Dirtnap! with a short story entitled “For Whom the Windmill Blows”. It was a hit and started America’s love affair with “Red” Apple. So much so that Remainder & Sons publishing company  wanted to get in on the “Red” Apple gravy train and signed me to a publishing deal. To date I’ve written roughly 890 Red Apple Mystery’s. Most of these books don’t make it to fancy “Book” stores with their roofs and shelves. Instead they are directly distributed to dollar stores, prisons, and flea markets. Some of the better selling titles have been Blood Harvest for the Green Grocer: A Red Apple Mystery, which was about the cutthroat world of illegal rhubarb harvesting, and Death Rode a John Deere: A Red Apple Mystery which was about the high stakes dangerous world of chickpea price fixing. Anyhow, They’re all frightfully exciting and if you like farming and intrigue and mystery and violence, I suggest you seek them out.

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