Archive for July 25th, 2009

Secrets of the Presidency, part 2

Lincoln’s Hat
The image of president Abraham Lincoln wearing a stovepipe hat is part of the american psyche but it also held a dark secret.  Lincoln’s tiny cojoined twin Jebadiah who was joined head to head with Abe and lived in his stovepipe hat.  Young Jebadiah’s body didn’t develop and Abraham had to wear his signature stovepipe hat from the time he was in a cradle to hide Jeb’s malformed body. However this wasn’t a one sided deal, Jeb was extremely smart and guided Abe all the way to the White House.  There were of course problems, Mary Todd Lincoln went insane when she found out the shocking truth and during a meeting with Gen. Ulysses S. Grant, Lincoln’s top hat fell off exposing Jeb.  A stunned General Grant who was a teetotaler started drinking heavily soon after in an attempt to erase the horrifying sight from his mind.  It is said the vision haunted him to his dying day.  Immediately after President Lincoln was assassinated Jebadiah was surgically removed and against his protests was sold to a freak show where he lived out his remaining days living in an upside down stove pipe hat and telling fortunes.

President Flying Giant?

Recently discovered medical records show that our 5th president James Monroe was actually 60 feet tall, ate rocks and could fly.