Archive for June 10th, 2009

Bacon Chat

Farquad Nurn is a one man bacon missionary. He’s the author of many books including Baking with Bacon: the Famous Bacon Diet Pt.III, The Bacon Diaries: A quest for a bacon based society, also Bacon on Bacon (a photo essay with artist Francis Bacon posing with bacon) and most recently The Bacon Soldiers: one man’s plan for peace in the Middle East. Mr. Nurn also has a P.H.D in Baconology from Stamford. We’re lucky enough to have him answer some of your questions:

Q: My husband and I tried your bacon diet and it was delicious, however after three months and sixty pounds of bacon my husband dropped dead. The attending physician said his heart looked like a hockey puck. I myself now sweat bacon fat instead of perspiration and my doctors are worried. My question is, did you actually test your diet before publishing it?

A: Mmmmmm, your doctor said his heart looked like a hockey puck. Hockey is played in Canada. This leads me to believe that your “husband” mixed Canadian bacon in with his normal bacon regime. This is a huge mistake, Canadian bacon is not actually bacon, it’s an inferior and sometimes deadly version of traditional, good, wholesome, God fearing American bacon. So it’s your fault, I’m sorry but that’s the way it is. In answer to the second part of your question, Yes the diet was tested, tested with my superior mind. The bacon diet is infallible, any problems would be from your inferior mind and body. Next Question!

Q: In your book The Bacon Soldiers: one man’s plan for peace in the Middle East, you have a “5 point bacon/peace manifesto”. I find your reasoning flawed as the Jewish faith forbids pork products. What were you thinking?

A: I don’t see a problem with my manifesto. You need to think outside the box. A new paradigm is needed. Think outside the paradigm! I’m a forward thinker powered by bacon and I have very little time to deal with trifles like “religion” or “health”. The bacon mind is a steel trap, synapses firing at speeds un-thought of by non-baconers. Bow down before the Bacon, you are small, insignificant. Bacon is all. All is Bacon………….

[That concludes Bacon Chat]