Pardon the impersonal-ness of this letter but as I’m sending it out to all media outlets it cannot be helped.
My name is J. Corregidor Thacket, I am the writer of a new movie entitled Stabbo: Legend of the Butcher Clown. “Writer”, that’s what it says on the screen. In reality First Vision Pictures hijacked and destroyed my original story Eleven Tall Trees: A President McKinley Adventure and turned it into the dreck you see splattered across the movie screen. I tried to have my name removed but due to legal reasons (damn you, 25th amendment) my name is still attached to it. To the many fans of my President McKinley Adventure series, I’m truly sorry but one man alone cannot change the Hollywood hell machine that grinds up dreams and feeds them to orphans. The following is a list of some differences between my original screenplay and the abomination now showing nationwide at over 10,000 theaters.
President Mckinley (Paul Simon) is now Stabbo the Clown (Art Garfunkel). The Eleven Tall Trees have been changed to a sorority located in an old slaughterhouse. Lincolns Ghost has been changed to a hermaphrodite Lincolns Ghost and McKinleys secret zombie advisors (aka, the Men Who Know, or the MWK) are now a series of wise bleeding ulcers. So I implore you not to see Stabbo: Legend of the Butcher Clown, also my new President Mckinley Adventure, The Clockwork Madrigal: A President Mckinley Adventure will be in bookstores soon.
J. Corregidor Thacket
Author of the President McKinley Adventures