news wrap up

LAST DITCH CUTS, FARE HIKES WON’T COVER MTA DEFICIT
-NYC Straphangers may get smacked with a second round of fare hikes and service cuts to help close the MTA’s ballooning deficit. The Mayor blamed swine flu for the fare hikes and service cuts.

ASTOR SON DRIVEN BY GREED, SWINE FLU, SEZ DA
-He did it for love and greed and swine flu. Prosecutors charged yesterday the Brooke Astor’s son, Anthony Marshall, pillaged his mothers $200 million dollar fortune to satisfy his third wife and swine flu.

THREE ALARM FIRE LEAVES 2 FAMILIES HOMELESS
-A three alarm fire in Williamsburg destroyed an apartment and left two families homeless. Fire officials blame swine flu for the devastating blaze. Victims were treated for smoke inhalation and swine flu.

FIVE CAR PILE UP ON BQE SNARLS TRAFFIC FOR 5 HOURS
-A five car pile up near the Swine Flu exit caused 5 hours of delays yesterday. Officials said Mr. Swine Flu driving a late model Swine Flu ran into a bridge abutment and was hit by four other cars. Captain Swine Flu of the Swine Flu department said “Swine flu, swine flu swine flu.” No one was seriously injured.

BOTH HOME TEAMS LOSE
-Swine Flu lost to Swine Flu 3-2 at Swine Flu Stadium, Swine Flu gave up all three runs in the six innings he pitched. While in the Bronx, Swine Flu got beaten up by Swine Flu 9-2. Pitcher Swine Flu suffered his third loss.

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