I Like Records 5
Wheelchair Guy
I got a call from somebody selling records, “Yeah, I got 10, no 12, no no 20 crates of records. All good stuff, well not all great but some great, pretty great, yeah great. Do you want ‘em, do you wanna check ’em out?”
“Sure bring them down, I’ll look at them.” Now about half the time these people don’t come down to the store, I was guessing this was one of them. It was not.
About an hour later while I was outside talking to my wife on the phone this old, smallish, crazy looking crippled guy whizzed by on a motorized wheelchair. I told Carrie I was glad he wasn’t going into Jacks. About ten minutes later, the guy whizzes into the store and asks for me. “yeah, I called about the records.” I don’t see 20 crates of records, I don’t see any records. All I see is a crazy nightmare in a wheelchair. “Alright there young rocker, where are these records you called about. Are they in a van or something?” “Look in the bag behind my seat. “O.K. what am I looking for.” “You’ll see it.” I don’t see anything except a couple of raggedy LP’s , a Moody Blues, Meatloaf, and Jimi Hendrix-Smash Hits. “These beat up records? I thought you had 12 crates” “You see that Hendrix, I bet you never seen that.” “Yeah, I see it kind of a lot and it’s usually in better shape.” “That record? That Hendrix record? You never seen that one, that’s worth, umm… five thousand dollars.” I look closer at it, just to make sure I didn’t miss anything. It was scratchy and the cover was split. “Yeah, it’s not worth five grand.” “I want four thousand dollars for it, it’s worth five thousand.” “I’ll give you a dollar for it.” “I’ll take two thousand dollars.” “Look man, I’m wanted back on planet earth so good luck with the Hendrix record.” The “I’m wanted back on planet earth” line is from Annie Hall and I try to work it into any applicable situations. Wheelchair guy stayed by the front counter and kept saying to anyone who would listen, “They offered me a buck for a five thousand dollar record, FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS.” It was a dicey situation. I didn’t want to throw a crazy wheelchair guy out of the store but the customers were giving him a wide berth and he was completely in the way. I had to do something, I was hoping he would vanish or explode or go elsewhere, anywhere as long as it was far, far away. As I was hiding in the back being gutless, he bought a copy of John Lennon’s Walls and Bridges on CD, “You never see this anywhere.” And he was off.
