Posts Tagged ‘ record store ’

I LIKE RECORDS 60/I Hate Me, Part 154,085

1) I have a rotten memory for names (among other things, ok, most things). This is especially true with customers. There’s this guy who comes in periodically to sell used stuff and his name is Guy. I always forget and he’s always slightly disappointed when I don’t remember his name. So to try and have it stick in my head, he’s a guy named guy, but I still forget. He came in a couple of days ago to sell some used, of course I forgot who the hell he was. So he took store credit and that means giving his name to the front counter, and I asked his name. He made a saddish face, “…It’s Guy..”. This jogged my memory and I blurted out, “Auurgh, of’re a guy named Guy.” Which I’m sure he never heard before and of course I over explained it, “..look, that’s how I remember your name…of course I forgot it now..but that’s how I usually remember it….and…uh…” and then I sort of disappeared into the back until he was gone.
2) Chef and writer Anthony Bourdain has a TV show called No Reservations, it’s a cool show and the song at the beginning has the words “No Reservations” said in a deep voice that’s kind of fun to say. Matt and I will say it one another a few times during the day, I know it’s asinine but so am I so… Sometimes you can hold the “no” part really long, “Nooooooooo Reservationsssss”. I was at the back counter writing an order and wasn’t really paying attention when somebody who at a glance looked somewhat like Matt came up to the counter and I started the “Noooooo” before looking up during the “Reservationsssss” part and realizing it wasn’t Matt. “I…uh…thought that ……uh…were…uh…..”. He gave me a weird look and asked me where the guitar room was, I pointed and once again hid in the back.

Noooooo Reservationsssss


I Like Records 16

Audio-Visions (back cover)

Audio-Visions (back cover)



In a bunch of records I bought for the store recently there was a Kansas record called Audio Visions. The back cover is a 1980’s vision of what the future of pre-recorded musical entertainment would be. It’s a drawing of a typical rock dude of the day; wild eyed (look at them, they’re really fucked up ), longish hair, and a budding molestache. The “dude” is in front of a contraption that looks like an old console TV with a record player on top. Except that the record playing is an audio/visual LP (hence the title) that shows the band rocking out, while you can hear them rock out. The “dude” is tearing off his headphones in a sweaty, wild eyed frenzy. So pumped up from the audio/visual overload that is Kansas (remember, their big hit was Dust in the Wind) that he’s off to pillage like a viking, or maybe get drunk and pass out in his truck at the strip club, or possibly work out an impossible physics equation, or perhaps write a sonnet. Whatever it is, he’s off to do somethin’. Somethin’ rockin’.

I Like Records 15

An old woman came in with a handful of records demanding to see Jack, the guy who owns the store. “Tell him I have valuable records that I wish to sell.” When she was told that I was the guy who looked at used vinyl, she looked at me and balked, “No…no…I don’t want him to look at them I want Jack.” Jack eventually made it downstairs and told her that I was the guy who looked at records, she made a lemon face and left. A few hours later she came back, “I hear you’re the gentleman who buys records, I wish to sell these.” It was a Charles Aznavour record, 2 copies of the Pal Joey soundtrack and 2 Christmas albums. “I’m sorry ma’am, we can’t use these” “Well why not?!” “Well…no one would be interested in these titles.” “How do you know?” “It’s my job to know what sells and I know these will never, ever, ever sell. I’m sorry.” “mmmm, well just take them.” She was annoying but I kind of felt bad for her, I went through my pockets and found I had three dollars. “Here, you shouldn’t leave with nothing, I’m just gonna throw them out but here’s three dollars” “How about four” “Three’s all I got lady” “mmm ok” I look over to Matt (another guy who works here) who’s standing nearby and give him a whatthefuck was that all about look and all of a sudden the old woman re-appeared slammed down the three dollars and said “Deals Off!” and toddled off with her records

I Like Records 14

There’s a guy who periodically come in and sells a bunch of old rock CD’s for a bunch of different old rock CD’s (example: trade in Ratt-Out of the Cellar and Aerosmith-Night in the Ruts for credit towards Deep Purple –Perfect Stranger). This guy is alright, a little down on his luck, kind of a sad sack but he’s ok. The only problem is he smells real bad. I’ve lived on tour busses that have smelled like a foot made of balls, but this guy kind of pushes the smell envelope, like the Turnpike through Elizabeth. The odd thing is it’s not the usual type of offensive smell, it’s always an odd mix. A few weeks ago it was “smokey oatmeal sweat”, last week it was “old coffee feet” and today it was “barbequed shit”. It’s always offensive, but interesting, in a nauseous way.

I Like Records 13


wanna pet a chicken

wanna pet a chicken

There was this big overweight guy who was a bit slow (no, I’m not talking about me) whose job was walking around town in chicken costume handing out fliers for a local chicken place. He had really bad posture so it looked like a giant depressed chicken stumbling through town. He would sometimes come into the store in costume (sans chicken head) look around and never buy anything. I think he was also missing a front tooth, so it was a perfect portrait of a sad sack. Every time I’d see him I’d wonder what his story was but I never wanted to actually engage him in a conversation because I suspected he was batshit crazy and it usually breaks down into five minutes of weird, interesting talk and months of uncomfortable blather. One day he came in (chicken suited) and finally talked, “Yeah, do guys have that music that’s bagpipe music with rap beats on top” I thought he could have meant Afro-Celt Soundsystem “ No, No that’s not it. It’s Scottish bagpipes, rap beats, middle eastern Japanese rhythms and rapping over everything. You know what I’m talking about” I told him I had no idea what he was talking about. “yeah, but wouldn’t it great if it existed.” And with that he was off, on his way out the door as he was putting his chicken head on he said to a woman by the front counter, “Hey lady, you wanna pet a chicken.”

I Like Records 12

A guy comes in who knows me yet I have no idea who he is (thank you, creeping dementia) and he asks me for a Neil Young record. “You know the one where there’s can-can girls dancing on the Alaskan pipeline.” The only thing that comes close was American Stars & Bars. “No…no, that’s not it. I think it’s called Songs of the Alaskan Pipeline Bars.” I told him that no such record exists. “Yeah, you guys don’t have it. Don’t worry, it’s cool. Man, I love Neil, you know that song about the waitress, he says she glides across the floor , not moves, not walks, fuckin’ GLIDES man. You know he’s fuckin’ great.”

I Like Records 11

A young guy comes in a lot and asks for 80’s metal, mostly 80’s lite-metal that we usually don’t carry, “Do You have Extreme-Ponograffitti?” “No, I’m sorry all we have is a best of Extreme, do you want me to see if I can order it?” “Nah,…you really don’t have it? That was a big record” Not in this century it wasn’t. He was also bitterly disappointed when we didn’t have Angel or Giuffria, or The Bulletboys, Firehouse, Kix, Bang Tango, Impelliterri, or Blue Murder. It’s like a murderers row of shitty music. He didn’t want to try and order any of those either, he just seemed content to be disappointed . What he doesn’t understand is that even if any of  those CD’s are in print (which is a long shot for most of them), they will never ever come into the store unless they’re special ordered . He should save his goddamned money and buy a time machine instead.


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