Posts Tagged ‘ record store ’

I Hate Me, part 390,008/I LIKE RECORDS 81

An over cologned heavy set guy in his thirties dressed in oversized basketball gear brought in a small stack of cd’s to sell. He was loudly talking on his phone while trying to communicate with me through a series of nods and shrugs.
Guy-”yeah, yeah, yeah I’m sellin’ cd’s…yeah you know I don’t like girls…no no no! I LIKE girls but I don’t like…uh real skinny ones..but ah..ya know I don’t like BIG girls.. yeah….uh.. what?!…nonono…no…I ain’t…no, I ain’t shallow…no..look I’ll be honest with you, I’m real smart…I’m into stuff….Yeah, I know I’m big…but I’m…it ain’t..no it ain’t the same…I’m like uh…like a football player…or somethin’…yeah…like that…that kind a big…”
It took me about five seconds to know we couldn’t use any of his cd’s, mostly scratchy Eminem and Limp Bizkit titles but I wanted to hear where his conversation was going.
Me- “sorry man, I can’t use any of these”
Guy- “…hold on ok….(to me)…really bro?!…none of ‘em…can’t use none of ‘em…bro?…c’mon…Bizkit, bro, Bizkit”
I shrugged my shoulders with my palms up, the international sign of “sorry man, can’t help you” and then I vanished into the back room.

"Bizkit, bro. Bizkit"

“Bizkit, bro. Bizkit”

I hate me, part 319,098/I like Records 80

Late middle-aged tire kicker. The kind of person who always asks for records that nobody ever has, much less seen. This usually leads to a conversation about how cool they are. The problem (one of many) with this guy was he didn’t really have all his info.
Guy-What’s the hardest record to find?
Me-uhhh, I don’t know…Any record I’m lookin’ for is hard to find.
Guy- Nuh uh…there’s a Stones record I’m looking for, I used to have it. It’s really rare…really hard to find…
Me-…(waiting)…which one is it?
Guy-I don’t know
Me-Nothin’?…no song titles?…no description of what the cover looks like?
Guy-..(defeated)..Yeah, that’s what makes it hard to find.
That’s like if Captain Ahab forgot everything about Moby Dick
Ahab-There’s a giant sea creature that I’m after…And it haunts me! We have to find it!
QueegQueg- What kind of creature be this?
Ahab-..I don’t know
Queegqueg-Oy vey

yeah, I'm not really sure what I'm looking for

yeah, I’m not really sure what I’m looking for

 

I LIKE RECORDS 78

here are two slight stories that add up to nothing

1)
[Record Store Day]
Phone Rings
“Hello, Jacks Music”
“……Yeeaahhh, is this the juice bar?”
“No, it’s a record store”
“…awwww..I REALLY wanted the juice bar”
“sorry”
“waitwaitwait…didja get the Phish* album in?”
I thought you wanted a juice bar”
“…Yeeeaaahh…I guess…but I REALLY want the Phish album”
“Well…the store in town that sold juice and records doesn’t sell records anymore and we don’t sell juice and we’re sold out of the Phish album.”
“…soooooo…do ya got the Phish record?”
“no”
“…annnnd no juice?”
“no”
“bummer 

*the Phish album Lawn Boy was a limited Record Store Day release

2)
A frantic guy came up to the back counter
“ya gotta find this cd for me”
He handed us a card that was written in Cyrillic, which I used to call “the Russian alphabet”. It’s not only a foreign language, it’s a foreign alphabet
“this is in cyrillic, do you have a translation?”
“can’t you type it in?”
“well, no it’s a different language with a different alphabet, don’t you know what it is?”
“no…so you can’t type it in”
“no..most of these letters don’t exist in english..what’s this letter, it looks like a lowercase b with a hat”
“but, I really want that cd”
“well..you’re gonna have to do some homework on it yourself”
“so……..you can’t do it?
“no”
And then I pretended I had a phone call.

Cyrillic Alphabet

Cyrillic Alphabet

I LIKE RECORDS 77

How Not To Price Records

We had gotten in a pretty good copy of Beatles ’65 (in “mono”, for those keeping score), I was going to sell it for $7.99. I was pricing a stack of records and was going thru it pretty fast and was pretty sloppy. Here’s a re-creation of what happened with Beatles ’65

Fig.1: This looks like $1.99, it’s supposed to be $7.99, the top part of the seven or his “hat” as it’s known in pricing circles is not long enough. Luckily, it’s a quick fix

Fig. 1

Fig. 1

Fig. 2: Or is it? Instead of just extending it’s “hat” I gave the seven a “stabilizing bar” as is standard practice according to Num6ers: Number Writing in the 21st Century and Beyond (Lenny Harris, 2002 Tidewater Press) which I think is premier book on numbering. Anyhow, it doesn’t look like a 7, it looks like a deformed plus sign. So I went back in

Fig. 2

Fig. 2

Fig. 3: I fell into the classic numbering mistake of extending the “hat” too much, making it look like an unfinished “A” floating in space. Grrrrr.

Fig. 3

Fig. 3

Fig. 4: I should have paid attention to the old adage “Never number angry” but I didn’t and I wound up adding an extended “claw” to the “hat”. When done correctly a “claw hat” seven is a thing of beauty. This isn’t one of those times.

Fig. 4

Fig. 4

Fig. 5: Commonly known as a “Gorilla Monsoon” named after the former wrestler and amateur numberer. This is the final stop in numbering. Primitive, brutal and all but unreadable, the “Gorilla Monsoon” style has been the death of many Sharpies and has been rumored to cause job ending nightmares to more than a few of the more sensitive professional numberers

Fig. 5

Fig. 5

Fig. 6: I decided to remove the sticker and start over. So removing the sticker with all the finesse of a dull blunt object, I turned a $7.99 record into a $3.99 record. The end.

Fig. 6

Fig. 6

I LIKE RECORDS 60/I Hate Me, Part 154,085

1) I have a rotten memory for names (among other things, ok, most things). This is especially true with customers. There’s this guy who comes in periodically to sell used stuff and his name is Guy. I always forget and he’s always slightly disappointed when I don’t remember his name. So to try and have it stick in my head, he’s a guy named guy, but I still forget. He came in a couple of days ago to sell some used, of course I forgot who the hell he was. So he took store credit and that means giving his name to the front counter, and I asked his name. He made a saddish face, “…It’s Guy..”. This jogged my memory and I blurted out, “Auurgh, of course..you’re a guy named Guy.” Which I’m sure he never heard before and of course I over explained it, “..look, that’s how I remember your name…of course I forgot it now..but that’s how I usually remember it….and…uh…” and then I sort of disappeared into the back until he was gone.
2) Chef and writer Anthony Bourdain has a TV show called No Reservations, it’s a cool show and the song at the beginning has the words “No Reservations” said in a deep voice that’s kind of fun to say. Matt and I will say it one another a few times during the day, I know it’s asinine but so am I so… Sometimes you can hold the “no” part really long, “Nooooooooo Reservationsssss”. I was at the back counter writing an order and wasn’t really paying attention when somebody who at a glance looked somewhat like Matt came up to the counter and I started the “Noooooo” before looking up during the “Reservationsssss” part and realizing it wasn’t Matt. “I…uh…thought that …uh..you…uh…were…uh…..”. He gave me a weird look and asked me where the guitar room was, I pointed and once again hid in the back.

Noooooo Reservationsssss

 

I Like Records 16

Audio-Visions (back cover)

Audio-Visions (back cover)

Audio-Visions

Audio-Visions

In a bunch of records I bought for the store recently there was a Kansas record called Audio Visions. The back cover is a 1980’s vision of what the future of pre-recorded musical entertainment would be. It’s a drawing of a typical rock dude of the day; wild eyed (look at them, they’re really fucked up ), longish hair, and a budding molestache. The “dude” is in front of a contraption that looks like an old console TV with a record player on top. Except that the record playing is an audio/visual LP (hence the title) that shows the band rocking out, while you can hear them rock out. The “dude” is tearing off his headphones in a sweaty, wild eyed frenzy. So pumped up from the audio/visual overload that is Kansas (remember, their big hit was Dust in the Wind) that he’s off to pillage like a viking, or maybe get drunk and pass out in his truck at the strip club, or possibly work out an impossible physics equation, or perhaps write a sonnet. Whatever it is, he’s off to do somethin’. Somethin’ rockin’.

I Like Records 15

An old woman came in with a handful of records demanding to see Jack, the guy who owns the store. “Tell him I have valuable records that I wish to sell.” When she was told that I was the guy who looked at used vinyl, she looked at me and balked, “No…no…I don’t want him to look at them I want Jack.” Jack eventually made it downstairs and told her that I was the guy who looked at records, she made a lemon face and left. A few hours later she came back, “I hear you’re the gentleman who buys records, I wish to sell these.” It was a Charles Aznavour record, 2 copies of the Pal Joey soundtrack and 2 Christmas albums. “I’m sorry ma’am, we can’t use these” “Well why not?!” “Well…no one would be interested in these titles.” “How do you know?” “It’s my job to know what sells and I know these will never, ever, ever sell. I’m sorry.” “mmmm, well just take them.” She was annoying but I kind of felt bad for her, I went through my pockets and found I had three dollars. “Here, you shouldn’t leave with nothing, I’m just gonna throw them out but here’s three dollars” “How about four” “Three’s all I got lady” “mmm ok” I look over to Matt (another guy who works here) who’s standing nearby and give him a whatthefuck was that all about look and all of a sudden the old woman re-appeared slammed down the three dollars and said “Deals Off!” and toddled off with her records

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