Posts Tagged ‘ baseball ’

Many Extra Tales Sad (My Entire Team Sucks #10)

[a disjointed rant written after watching the Mets lose again]

Last nights fifteen inning pathetic excuse for a baseball game between the Mets and what’s left of the Marlins was one of the more painful games I’ve ever subjected myself to. Neither team wanted to win, yet both were too incompetent to lose in a timely fashion. There were more people left on base than were in the stands. Fucking brutal. To call the Mets offense anemic is at best charitable and at worst besmirching the word anemic. Matt Harvey was great to watch, even if it wasn’t a good outing for him. Blah, blah, blah, being a Mets fan is tough, boo hoo. Readers of this blog who don’t live in America have suggested I watch “Football” or Snooker or simply go fuck myself.

Much like the Mets themselves all MLB Club Cans with the Mets logo on them are flat

Much like the Mets themselves all MLB Club Cans with the Mets logo on them are flat

Reprint : Cable Chat

I have some horrible summer cold and feel awful, and I just watched the movie Contagion so I’m feeling a bit nervous as well. Here’s a reprint from way back in 2009:

 

Cable Chat
(Cable Chat is a discussion on cable TV shows and is not to be confused with Bridge Cable Chat a frank discussion on bridge building or Cable Stitch Chat our knitting forum. Sorry for any confusion.)

HBO is showing a great new documentary, Ted Williams!: There Goes the Greatest Hitter Who Ever Lived! which is filled with new information on what many pundits consider the greatest pure hitter baseball has produced.
Ted Williams nicknamed the Splendid Splinter (because of a giant 3 foot splinter that was removed from his back as a rookie) had a love/hate relationship with Boston where he played for the Red Sox from 1939-1960. During interviews with teammates Donald “Dandy” White, Jester Lee, and Cleveland Indians hall of fame pitcher Tommy “Earthquake” McGurk it was revealed that Williams would strangle a hobo as good luck before a home game and two or more before every road game. “It was just something that he did” says Dandy White “I always ate a good luck apple before a game but Ted had this thing about hobos. Sometimes when a playful mood struck him he’d skin a hobo and wear the skin as a suit. It was a grand prank and really loosened the fellas up. The only who didn’t like it was Jerry who was our clubhouse attendant and had to clean up hobo remains.” Indians pitcher Tommy “Earthquake” McGurk remembers “One day we were playing the Red Sox and Ted was in one of his foul tempers, it seemed like there wasn’t enough hobos to strangle to put him right. Well anyway it was the fifth inning and Ted went up to hit with no bat, nothin’, he just walked up to the plate and screamed TONIGHT, I AIN’T USIN’ A BAT and he punched the ball 400 ft for a home run. It was the damndest thing. I was only a little drunk at the time, so I’m pretty sure it happened.” Teammate Jester Lee reminisced “Ted was drunk one night on a drink he invented, he called it a Boston Baked Bean (10 parts whiskey, 1 baked bean, 5 parts whiskey, 1 rose petal, 6 parts whiskey (mull the baked bean and rose petal)) and he was sloshed and he said “When I die my progeny will cut off off my head and put it in a robot Ted Williams and he will be the greatest hitter forever, and he’ll do it without killing hobos”” Lee continued “Sometimes late at night Ted would get sad thinking about all the hobo’s he killed. Jesus, it must have been thousands. But it was a price he was willing to pay to be the best.”

HBO check local listings

Met’s rumors

A&P Press 6/11/12
by Eddie Yost

The New York Mets are vigorously denying reports concerning a grisly solution to first baseman Ike Davis’s hitting woes. Davis, in his third year was once one of the bright spots in the Mets organization but health issues and an anemic batting average (.167) are troubling.
The shocking rumors state that a ritualistic sacrifice of ex-Met hero and current SNY television announcer Keith Hernandez was considered. Furthermore, Hernandez’s skin was to be fashioned into an unholy uniform for Davis to wear. The hopes being that this would appease the fickle baseball Gods and turn Davis’s season around.
An anonymous source close to the situation said in part, “Yeah, they (the Mets) talked to Hernandez’s people about the sacrifice thing…you know make a big deal out of it, giant stone alter in center field, fire works.. a real event. Of course his (Hernandez’s) people were not into it, at all. Frankly they were appalled..bad scene…believe me, the Metsie’s are gonna need to mend a lot of fences there. But Christ, they gotta do something. Management would be happy if Davis was hitting as good as (Ed) Kranepool or even Tim Harkness.”
 

Who’s Who in Major League Base Ball (1933) pt.2

 

Here’s a few more from Who’s Who in Major League Base Ball, published in 1933 by Buxton publishing

Babe Ruth, pt.1

Babe Ruth, pt 2

 

Who’s Who in Major League Base Ball (1933)

My grandfather loved baseball, he was a Giants fan until they moved. When I was born (1962) he started rooting for the Mets and soon I did as well. He left my brother and I this great book about baseball from 1933. Note, some of the players have their home address listed.[click on image to enlarge]

Giants executives, pt.1

Giants executives, pt.2

Note changes penciled in by my grandfather

Again, a trade has been penciled in

from a whole section on coaches

from a whole section on trainers

from the umpire section

from a section called "Baseball Boasts Host of Immortals"

same as above

from a section on baseball writers

REPRINT: Japanese professors create baseball-playing super robots

[Note: I didn't have any time to write anything this weekend, but here's something I did from 2 years ago that I don't hate]

TOKYO (A&P) — Look out Hideki Matsui and Daisuke Matsuzaka . A pair of baseball-playing super robots (or Base-Bots) that can pitch and hit with amazing results have been developed in Japan. The pitching robot, nicknamed ”Rodan” has a three-fingered hand, can throw 95% of its pitches in the strike zone and won’t need any relief from the bullpen. The batting robot, nicknamed ”Gamera” has a sensor to determine if pitches are strikes or balls, hits balls in the strike zone 100% of the time and doesn’t swing at pitches outside the strike zone. The two robots were created by University of Tokyo professor Kawabata Makoto. ”The level of the robotics technology of each robot is extremely high,” Makoto said. “What was difficult was to create a mechanism to satisfy such a high level of roboticness.” However the robot ballplayers are not without their own unique problems. ”Rodan” was recently arrested in Tokyo’s so called robot town district for an altercation with a robot prostitute or (Ho-Bot), while “Gamera” created tabloid headlines when he disrupted this years robot awards (the Robies) by appearing drunk on robo-saki (aka: high grade machine oil). Still the sky does seem to be the limit for these talented Base-Bots. The future of baseball? It does compute.

a Base-Bot

Diamond Memories 2

With performance enhancing drugs being one of the subjects in Ken Burns new documentary Baseball: The Tenth Inning, I wondered what previous generations of ball players did (legal or not) to give themselves an edge. Here’s an excerpt from an article I found in the book Gandy Dancers & Bearcats:Living in the 20’s, which is part of the Hearst Newspapers Decade Series.

Velvet McGoone-Catcher, 1919-1926 / Pelham Paint Pots (Northeast Patriot League)
When we used to play back to back double headers, some of the fellas who had weaker constitutions would gripe about feeling flagged. This was startin’ to be problem, so Mr. Stanton who was our clubhouse manager at the time rigged up something he called the wake-up seat. It was an old barber chair that he set up with some electrical doo-hickeys and made it into a kind of weak electric chair. He said that a weak charge of electric would give the guys some extra pep. Well it worked, ‘course I never did it as I was like an ox and a pot of coffee before a game was all I needed, well a pot of coffee and some of those pills that Mr. Culpepper would give us. Mr. Culpepper was our bookie and amateur sawbones. Anyhow, sometimes there was problems with the wake-up seat, especially when Mr. Stanton was on the drink, which was often. He’d make a mistake and give a little too much juice, make the seat a little too hot if you know what I mean. One time, we had a second baseman,Stabby Jackson, named because he got stabbed a lot. Well, Stabby got too much juice, not enough to kill him but boy did he howl. And he wound up completely hairless and pink like a baby, and he started speaking what we thought was swedish but later turned out to be just gibberish. On the plus side, he played like a house afire for about a week. Then we were playing the Rahway Turkey Vultures, or as everyone called ‘em the Turks and Stabby just fell asleep, right on the field. He wasn’t dead, but we couldn’t wake him. He was out like a light and our manager Mr. Freer was fit to be tied, he didn’t want any lollygaggers on the team. So he had the batboy take off Stabby’s uniform and he left him in his long johns on the floor of the dugout and we went off to our next game. I heard that Stabby woke up a week later and was none too happy, I never seen him again. Well, the fellas kind of felt a little scared of the wake-up seat after that and it didn’t get used as much and we just used it to electrocute mice we caught in the clubhouse.

A couple of baseball things

"new wave" rock music expert, George Will

Henry Blanco

Danny Trejo

1)Mets catcher Henry Blanco and legendary movie badass Danny Trejo (From Dusk Til Dawn, Desperado, Con Air) share a similar look. Even though Blanco has been good at throwing out base runners imagine how much more intimidating the Mets would be if Blanco mixed in tossing a couple of throwing knives ( a la Danny Trejo) at opposing base runners. I think it would would throw off the oppositions concentration and maybe the Mets would win a few more games (although at this moment they aren’t doing too bad and are over .500) Look, the Mets are going to have to be creative if they’re going to do well this year, they should at least entertain the idea.

2)Conservative pundit George Will has just released a revised version of his best seller Men At Work and guess what, it’s about baseball.  I know George Will as being the  author of many best selling books about “new wave” rock bands including; The Arresting Music of Sting and The Police, also Fabulous! The Authorized Fabulous Poodles Story, and Joe “King” Carrasco and the Spicy Tex-Mex Rock Revolution. So I thought Men At Work was going to be about the lads from “Down Under” written by  my fave “new wave” rock expert, I had no idea he was a baseball fan. Oh well, live and learn.

Washington: I also used …

Ron Washington

SURPRISE, ARIZ. (A&P press)
A day after acknowledging he failed a drug test for cocaine last year, Texas Rangers manager Ron Washington gave a long rambling press conference in which he says he used marijuana and amphetamines while he was a player, he added “that was just the tip of the iceberg”. He then described other “youthful errors”, among them:
-Having a marijuana garden in the bullpen of the Minnesota Twins.

-Building and using a meth lab in the visitors clubhouse, also in Minnesota

-Maintaining a poppy farm in Baltimore while playing for the Orioles

-Inventing something called a “Meth-wich”, which was a methamphetamine infused “sloppy joe” sandwich.

-Asked teammates to call him Cocaine-icus after the “Roman god of getting high”

-Had a custom made bat with a sword concealed in it, “for protection”

Washington says his mistakes from years ago have nothing to do with the issue he’s facing now, and he doesn’t think it will be a long term distraction for the Rangers.

Japanese Baseball II

After my missive on the Nippon Ham Fighters I got a couple of responses. Morty Lambstershank mentioned the Okinawa Disturbed Chicken Livers and Chris Burns wrote about the famous “breakfast bowl” between the Nippon Ham Fighters and the Tokyo Egg Beaters, and as Devil Dick asked, I will draw my idea for the Ham Fighters mascot as soon as get some more crayons. Such an outpouring of interest made me want to delve deeper into Japanese Baseball, especially interesting team names. Here is a list of some more major and minor league team names I found interesting, most of these teams are current but a few have either changed their names or have disbanded:
Nishin Studious Hawkmen
Hirosaki Creme DeMenthe
Ichihara Honorable Flea Wings
Imabari Potato Fish
Kurume Joseph Stalins*
Ogori Sleepy Dimples
Iwaki Friendly Musk Oxen **

——————————————
*Changed their name from the Kurume Dutiful Himmlers in 1946, team disbanded after the 1953 season
** Changed their name to Iwaki Friendly Yet Purposeful Musk Oxen in 1996

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