I Hate Me, part 415,015

I went to Starbucks and there was this giant biker in front of me.
The girl behind the counter was a new employee.
Biker- I wanna plain ice tea
Girl-Do you want sweetener?
The way she said “sweetener” sounded like “Swedener”, perhaps an additive to make the drink more Sweden like.
Biker-Wut?!
Girl-Do you want SWEDENER?
Biker-…Huh?..What are you asking me?
Girl-…Do YOU want any SWEDENER in your ice tea?
Biker-…I have no idea what your asking me…Swede what?
Girl-…Sugar…do you want any sugar in your ice tea?
Biker-No…No I said plain.
I was listening but looking off into space so it looked like I was oblivious and not paying attention. (although to be honest it often looks like I’m oblivious) What I should have been doing was staring intently at my phone. I thought of this just as the biker looked over at me, I couldn’t read his look. It was either “these people are idiots, am I right?” or “are you fucking looking/laughing at me?” This is when I started to look at my phone in a completely fake “I’m not getting a call, I’m avoiding life” type of way. Before this could go any further (ie: me acknowledging his look) his iced tea was delivered, I then ordered my iced coffee with swedener.
starbucks-3-0_1x

I Hate Me, part 499,103

I live in the house that my wife grew up in. There are a few heirlooms that a museum style protection is given to. Highest on that list is “the jelly closet”, a large cabinet in the dining room that is full of family treasures. No drinks will ever sit on it, even with a coaster. There is also an old red stool in the kitchen that I thought was on the heirloom list as well. I even imagined a back story where Carrie’s dad brought it back with him from the war, a souvenir liberated from Hitler’s bunker. This goddamned stool is always in my way. I’ve bumped into it and tripped over it’s legs more times than I care to mention. I had grown to hate this thing, it sits there stoic like some zen master only to move right behind me when I’m not looking. I had gingerly mentioned to Carrie my hatred for the stool and how I had to defer to it because of the family history attached to it. She gave me a kind patronizing look that one would give to slow people and explained that she bought the stool years ago and that I even helped her move it to this house, to the best of her knowledge neither of her parents were ever aware of the stool and she was a little worried that I had such hatred for an inanimate object. I heard these things but in my mind I heard “Alright stool, you’re not protected. It’s on!”. The next morning as I was getting my coffee, I turned around and bumped into the stool. I lashed out with a feeble kick, really hurting my big toe but I knocked over the stool. Victory. The victory was short lived as the falling hated stool knocked over another stool that I was fairly ambivalent about which had a small stack of records and cd’s on it, these went flying all over the kitchen table knocking over pretty much everything. “hey asshole, pick me up” It was the red stool, I had entered into my own private Twilight Zone. Not really, I just cleaned everything up and felt like an idiot.

my nemesis

my nemesis

Even More Album Inserts

Some more inserts found in records that were too beat up to sell [click on image to enlarge]

The Outlaws

The Outlaws

Thank God It's Friday, front

Thank God It’s Friday, front

Thank God it's Friday, back

Thank God it’s Friday, back

ArtRock, found in a Doors album, envelope

ArtRock, found in a Doors album, envelope

ArtRock, Doors offer, page 1 front

ArtRock, Doors offer, page 1 front

ArtRock, Doors offer, page 1, back

ArtRock, Doors offer, page 1, back

ArtRock, Doors offer, page 2, front

ArtRock, Doors offer, page 2, front

ArtRock, Doors offer, page 2, back

ArtRock, Doors offer, page 2, back

David Bowie, fan club, 1

David Bowie, fan club, 1

David Bowie, fan club, 2

David Bowie, fan club, 2

 

Sunday Music 7/27/14

Zig Zags- Down The Drain
This is from the great self titled album these guys released this year on In The Red. Big Dumb Rock, that’s really big and not so dumb.

CS3_12JktTemplateFINAL_large

I Hate Me, part 491,922

Went to Foodtown the other night for some supplies, which included apples. Their apples were terrible, like red balloons full of mush. So I headed over to Whole Foods, Bought the stuff I needed, (the Pink Lady apples were pretty good) and headed to the checkout. There was one woman ahead of me, the checkout conveyer wasn’t full of food so I figured it wouldn’t be long and I plopped my groceries down. I ran into my brother-in-law there, he was in the next checkout line and we were shooting the shit about comic books and other world altering stuff. His line which had many people on it was moving quickly and I realized that mine hadn’t moved at all. I looked and there was the same amount of groceries from the woman in front still on the conveyer. I didn’t know what was going on until I saw the woman still had a full cart of food but was deciding on each piece of food before she put it on the conveyer. She was adding another step to the drudgery of shopping. Instead of what most people do which would be “Hey, I want 6 apples. These look good.”, she had bags of produce and then was thinning the herd at the counter. “I only want these three tomatoes, I don’t want the other two”, “mmmmm Yeah I don’t want this celery….wait wait…I take that back but I don’t want this one.” This went on for a long time, Dave had finished checking out and came over, we were exchanging some “WTF” looks, I’d never seen anything like it. Finally somebody came over from customer service and offered to ring me up at the customer service desk, and the long national nightmare was over.”

Whenever I see Pink Lady apples, I'm reminded of an 1980's variety show called Pink Lady & Jeff. I don't really remember the show but I remember the title was used as a punch line by some late night TV hosts

Whenever I see Pink Lady apples, I’m reminded of an 1980’s variety show called Pink Lady & Jeff. I don’t really remember the show but I remember the title was used as a punch line by some late night TV hosts

Sunday Music 7/20/14

Ty Segall Band-Tell Me What’s Inside Your Heart

This is from Slaughterhouse (2012, In The Red), the only album by Ty Segall Band not to be confused with Ty Segall himself and the many recordings under his own name. However you want to slice it Mr. Segall and his contemporaries (including but not exclusive to The Oh Sees, White Fence, and  Mikal Cronin) have been cranking out some of the best music I’ve heard in years. Slaughterhouse has parts that sound like a garage punk Hawkwind. This song is just perfect noisy garage pop

220px-TySegallBandSlaughterhouse

I Hate Me, part 429,019

I usually make my own lunch for work, in an effort to try and eat healthier. Most days I’ll finish it off with a low fat yogurt. After finishing a salad I was treating myself to Dannon “Light & Fit” raspberry yogurt. It doesn’t taste terrible, however the purplish color of it resembles nothing in the natural world. Unfortunately we had run out of spoons. I was furiously tearing apart the lunch table looking for a spoon, nothing. So I decided to use a fork. What’s a fork but a more adventurous spork and I could eat yogurt with a spork. So if I ate it really fast, and used a shoveling motion it might work. Looking back, I should have taped up the fork making it more spoon-like but hindsight is always 20-20. It ended up being a mess, with me having to change my shirt and the great “Yogurt with a Fork” debate was settled.
dannonlightraspberryyogurt

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