The other day I had to hitch a ride from a neighbor because my car was in the shop. We approach a red light and he runs right thru it. I said “Holy shit dude, you trying to get us killed?” and he tells me, “Oh, don’t worry, my brother drives like this all the time and nothing ever happens to him”.
So, we come to another red light and he does it again, and his reply was the same “Oh, my brother drives like this and nothing ever happens to him”.
Now, just as we’re approaching a green light he slams on the brakes and stops short, and I’m like “Dude, it’s a green light, what the fuck?” and he replies “Hey man, I ain’t taking no chances, my brother might be driving the other way”.

Better be careful, because you know what they say …… you keep watching the Mets and your face will get frozen like that.

There’s no such thing as the one armed man Dr. Richard Kimble, you making that shit up.

Yeah, his name is Teddy Padillac, he’s the guy that invented the umbrella twirl ….. but don’t twirl too fast or you’ll disorientate the customers.