Archive for the ‘ I LIKE RECORDS ’ Category

I Hate Me, part, 422,916

I’m at work. Middle aged drunk guy sails over to the used LP section, The music that’s playing is the latest Daft Punk CD.
Guy- ugggghhhhhh! I’ve heard this a million times.
Me-Well, everyone who works here gets a turn to play what they want.
Guy- Yeah, it’s great but c’mon……hey you guys got good vinyls here.
Me-mmmmmm(thru gritted teeth)
Guy-whaddya know about this John Fogerty vinyl (holds up a copy of John Cafferty & the Beaver Brown Band-Tough All Over)
Me-Yeah, that’s not John Fogerty, it’s John Cafferty. he was an 80’s Springsteen knock-off.
Guy-Oh..Cause I never heard any of his stuff after Creedence, maybe I’ll check it out.
Me-That’s not the guy from Creedence, his name is FOGERTY, not CAFFERTY
Guy-…yeeeaaaah, I don’t know……………
Me- ……….Yeah, you should definitely get it, its his best album.
He did.

John Fogerty's greatest album

John Fogerty’s greatest album

I LIKE RECORDS 82

 

I’ve been busy and lazy, a shit combination for somebody who says he likes to write…Some notes from over the Christmas holidays at work:


Older guy who comes in, a bit off, likes old nudist movies, it’s almost wholesome at this point. He bought a Playboy dvd a few years ago and it freaked him out.
Guy-Do you have any other nudist movies?
Me- No man, I think you got all we could get in
Guy-………..so can you get any others?
Me-I’d need a title, we don’t have a breakdown of nudist movies on our computer that we can order.
Silence and he’s not leaving, it’s getting (more) uncomfortable
Guy……..oh……
Me-……yeah…..I’d need a title….to order
Guy-……….mmmmmmmm………happy nude year?
Me-Diiid you just make that title up?
Guy-………nnnnnnoooo
I looked up the title, no go.
Me- not listed, sorry
Guy…………..oh…….really…..mmmmmm?
I went into the back until he left

Crazy drunk guy ordered 2 copies of Dr. Buzzard’s Original Savannah Band. Was really psyched when they came in and started to make a bit of a commotion, it was about 11am
Guy-Alright I got my two and I need two more! They make great fucking gifts! So then I’ll have four, right!?
Me- yeah, ok two more, we’ll give you a call.
Guy-And then I need six more
Me-Ok, so you want eight more all together.
Guy-No! I want six more pluuuuuss the two I ordered.
Me-the two you ordered last week and just picked up or the two you just ordered thirty seconds ago?
Guy-Yes!
Me-OK, try and follow me here, you ordered two last week and picked them up today
Guy-yes
Me- then you ordered two more, about a minute ago
Guy-..yes
Me- then you just ordered six more after that
Guy-………..yes
Me-So that’s eight (I held up 8 fingers) more you’re ordering all together?
Guy………………….yesssssss…..eighhhht more
A week later we get his order in and he comes in to pick them up. He comes to the back counter to complain
Guy- Did I order eight of these?
Me-Yeah.. you bought two then ordered two more then ordered six more right after that. You said they make gifts
Guy-They do…I must have been drunk but they do make great gifts.

I hear they make great gifts

I hear they make great gifts

 

I Hate Me, part 390,008/I LIKE RECORDS 81

An over cologned heavy set guy in his thirties dressed in oversized basketball gear brought in a small stack of cd’s to sell. He was loudly talking on his phone while trying to communicate with me through a series of nods and shrugs.
Guy-”yeah, yeah, yeah I’m sellin’ cd’s…yeah you know I don’t like girls…no no no! I LIKE girls but I don’t like…uh real skinny ones..but ah..ya know I don’t like BIG girls.. yeah….uh.. what?!…nonono…no…I ain’t…no, I ain’t shallow…no..look I’ll be honest with you, I’m real smart…I’m into stuff….Yeah, I know I’m big…but I’m…it ain’t..no it ain’t the same…I’m like uh…like a football player…or somethin’…yeah…like that…that kind a big…”
It took me about five seconds to know we couldn’t use any of his cd’s, mostly scratchy Eminem and Limp Bizkit titles but I wanted to hear where his conversation was going.
Me- “sorry man, I can’t use any of these”
Guy- “…hold on ok….(to me)…really bro?!…none of ‘em…can’t use none of ‘em…bro?…c’mon…Bizkit, bro, Bizkit”
I shrugged my shoulders with my palms up, the international sign of “sorry man, can’t help you” and then I vanished into the back room.

"Bizkit, bro. Bizkit"

“Bizkit, bro. Bizkit”

I Like RECORDS 81

There’s a guy who has invented a kind of hipster jive talk when going through the used records. He’s a mumbler and usually wrong when talking about records. This isn’t usually an issue, customers talk a lot of inane woolyheaded bullshit while looking through the records. I don’t comment on it, because who cares if I think they’re wrong. This guy is one of those “Am I right?” guys and I usually shrug my shoulders, stare at the ground and mumble “ahhh..Idunnoman”, it’s pretty annoying. One time he tried to tell me that guitarist Charlie Byrd was the same person as saxophonist Charlie Parker, who’s nickname was “Bird”. He couldn’t be convinced even though one was white and one was black and they played different instruments. Last night he came in and found Huey Lewis and The News-Sports:
“Oh…yeah..this onethisone Huey and the Lews..30million 40million bigger than Thrillers..MichaelsThrillers…right?”
“…ohyeah?…”
yeahyeahyeah…lookitup…Huey man…bigbigBIGrecord”
“mmmm…didn’t know that…we’re closin’ up ”
“that’s what I’m talkin’ about, Huey and the Lews.”
I started turning off the lights.

Huey and the Lews

Huey and the Lews

I hate me, part 319,098/I like Records 80

Late middle-aged tire kicker. The kind of person who always asks for records that nobody ever has, much less seen. This usually leads to a conversation about how cool they are. The problem (one of many) with this guy was he didn’t really have all his info.
Guy-What’s the hardest record to find?
Me-uhhh, I don’t know…Any record I’m lookin’ for is hard to find.
Guy- Nuh uh…there’s a Stones record I’m looking for, I used to have it. It’s really rare…really hard to find…
Me-…(waiting)…which one is it?
Guy-I don’t know
Me-Nothin’?…no song titles?…no description of what the cover looks like?
Guy-..(defeated)..Yeah, that’s what makes it hard to find.
That’s like if Captain Ahab forgot everything about Moby Dick
Ahab-There’s a giant sea creature that I’m after…And it haunts me! We have to find it!
QueegQueg- What kind of creature be this?
Ahab-..I don’t know
Queegqueg-Oy vey

yeah, I'm not really sure what I'm looking for

yeah, I’m not really sure what I’m looking for

 

a most unflattering shirt

This is one of the most unflattering shirts in the history of rock. Not stupid, not ridiculous, just unflattering. It’s on the back of Janis Joplin-Pearl [click on image in enlarge]
janis dashboard

I Like Records 79

We got a collection in awhile ago, a lot of solid soul titles with some oddities thrown in. The thing that strikes me the most from it is the name of the people who sold the records. Their name is Bland (don’t think they’re any relation to Bobby “Blue” Bland) and they wrote it on the the cover of all their albums. It seems more like a critique of the records:
“yeah, it’s ok. It’s…uh…kind of bland”
“well you better write that on the cover to warn others”

I also like the title "...Country and West" not "Western"

I also like the title “…Country and West” not “Western”

 

I LIKE RECORDS 78

here are two slight stories that add up to nothing

1)
[Record Store Day]
Phone Rings
“Hello, Jacks Music”
“……Yeeaahhh, is this the juice bar?”
“No, it’s a record store”
“…awwww..I REALLY wanted the juice bar”
“sorry”
“waitwaitwait…didja get the Phish* album in?”
I thought you wanted a juice bar”
“…Yeeeaaahh…I guess…but I REALLY want the Phish album”
“Well…the store in town that sold juice and records doesn’t sell records anymore and we don’t sell juice and we’re sold out of the Phish album.”
“…soooooo…do ya got the Phish record?”
“no”
“…annnnd no juice?”
“no”
“bummer 

*the Phish album Lawn Boy was a limited Record Store Day release

2)
A frantic guy came up to the back counter
“ya gotta find this cd for me”
He handed us a card that was written in Cyrillic, which I used to call “the Russian alphabet”. It’s not only a foreign language, it’s a foreign alphabet
“this is in cyrillic, do you have a translation?”
“can’t you type it in?”
“well, no it’s a different language with a different alphabet, don’t you know what it is?”
“no…so you can’t type it in”
“no..most of these letters don’t exist in english..what’s this letter, it looks like a lowercase b with a hat”
“but, I really want that cd”
“well..you’re gonna have to do some homework on it yourself”
“so……..you can’t do it?
“no”
And then I pretended I had a phone call.

Cyrillic Alphabet

Cyrillic Alphabet

Still more stuff found in records

Here’s a bunch more stuff I found in trashed records that people brought in to sell. [click on image to enlarge]

join the army

join the army

inserts2

Flying Fish shirt postcard. front

Flying Fish shirt postcard. front

back of card

back of card

ad from the Aquarian, 1979

ad from the Aquarian, 1979

TV guide, week of October 27, 1978

TV guide, week of October 27, 1978

Also from TV Guide October 27, 1978. The rest of these were found in a beat up copy of Kiss-The Originals

Also from TV Guide October 27, 1978. The rest of these were found in a beat up copy of Kiss-The Originals

inserts8
inserts4-2
inserts5-1
inserts10
inserts12
inserts7

 

 

 

 

 

 

I LIKE RECORDS 77

How Not To Price Records

We had gotten in a pretty good copy of Beatles ’65 (in “mono”, for those keeping score), I was going to sell it for $7.99. I was pricing a stack of records and was going thru it pretty fast and was pretty sloppy. Here’s a re-creation of what happened with Beatles ’65

Fig.1: This looks like $1.99, it’s supposed to be $7.99, the top part of the seven or his “hat” as it’s known in pricing circles is not long enough. Luckily, it’s a quick fix

Fig. 1

Fig. 1

Fig. 2: Or is it? Instead of just extending it’s “hat” I gave the seven a “stabilizing bar” as is standard practice according to Num6ers: Number Writing in the 21st Century and Beyond (Lenny Harris, 2002 Tidewater Press) which I think is premier book on numbering. Anyhow, it doesn’t look like a 7, it looks like a deformed plus sign. So I went back in

Fig. 2

Fig. 2

Fig. 3: I fell into the classic numbering mistake of extending the “hat” too much, making it look like an unfinished “A” floating in space. Grrrrr.

Fig. 3

Fig. 3

Fig. 4: I should have paid attention to the old adage “Never number angry” but I didn’t and I wound up adding an extended “claw” to the “hat”. When done correctly a “claw hat” seven is a thing of beauty. This isn’t one of those times.

Fig. 4

Fig. 4

Fig. 5: Commonly known as a “Gorilla Monsoon” named after the former wrestler and amateur numberer. This is the final stop in numbering. Primitive, brutal and all but unreadable, the “Gorilla Monsoon” style has been the death of many Sharpies and has been rumored to cause job ending nightmares to more than a few of the more sensitive professional numberers

Fig. 5

Fig. 5

Fig. 6: I decided to remove the sticker and start over. So removing the sticker with all the finesse of a dull blunt object, I turned a $7.99 record into a $3.99 record. The end.

Fig. 6

Fig. 6

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