Archive for the ‘ I LIKE RECORDS ’ Category

I Hate Me, Part 477,198


I was coming back from getting a coffee and I saw a crazy woman who doubles as a crazy customer who doesn’t buy anything but asks rhetorical questions regarding how her boyfriend could cheat on her. Not in a “How could he do this to me?” type of way but in a logistical “How could he do this to me…when I was watching him like a hawk?” way. So I gave her a wide berth and got to the back counter unscathed where I was greeted by a large sad old man.
“Do You have 70’s music…the fabulous 70’s music?”
“mmm Is that the name of the album you’re looking for?”
“No, it was fabulous”
I start walking him over to the compilation section
“are you looking for that old collection called Fabulous 70’s…because that’s out of print”
“no…no it was the music that was fabulous and it was from the 70’s.”
“yeah…fabulous…can you think of any song or artist that you were thinking of?”
“No…it was on the radio and it was fast”
“ahhhyeahh..the 70’s was quite a chunk of time…and there was a lot of music made during that time…
-blank stare-
“…a LOT of music….so…rock music?…dance music?…”
“it was fast”
“fast?…fast songs from the 70’s”
“Yeah…I don’t want no ballads”
“…urrhhhhuhhh…ok… was it fast and heavy like…uh…Led Zeppelin…or fast like the Ramones…?”
-blank stare-
look man…you’re givin’ me nothin’ here… ya gotta work with me a little bit”
“it was just fast, you have anything like that?”
“not really, here’s all our 70’s comps”
Heavy sigh “…ok”

not fabulous enough

not fabulous enough


I Hate Me, part 466,827

Older guy steams in, very animated but seemingly normal. His socks, the color of a traffic cone should have been a tip off.
“I got a tape sitting up front for me that I ordered but I got a question, there’s a song called Black Butterfly by Deniece Williams, do you have it…she’s black”
“…let me check”
As I’m looking up to see what album it’s on and it’s availability, he lets out a deep satisfied sigh and slaps his belly
“yeahhpp, I got all the good tapes…all kinds of music…I even got Springsteen…I knew him when he used to play on the rocks in Long Branch and nobody cared…now look at him…he’s famous…”
“Sorry but we don’t have any Deniece Williams in stock, that song is on a greatest hits cd that I can order in for you”
“Ok fine…so you’ll order that tape for me it for me?”
“yup, it’s a cd not a tape, I just need your name and number”
which he proceded to do
“Ok.. that should be about a week, we’ll give you a call”
“Fine, now can you show me where her tapes..uh cd’s are, I wanna see if it’s on anything else”
“……..I’m sorry, maybe you misunderstood me…we don’t have any Deniece Williams cd’s in stock…none in the store…nothing by her at all…”
dead look
“just show me where her section is…I wanna check.”
“well…like I’ve been saying we don’t have any…if we had it, I would sell it to you because that would be easier for both of us… I wouldn’t have to order it”
dead look
“but where do you file it”
“W soul, over there”
two minutes later
“yeah, you don’t have it”
“…really?, that’s surprising”
“sooooooo….you’ll order it?
I nodded yes, then went into the stock room and screamed into my arm

should have been a tip off

should have been a tip off

I Hate Me, 438,911


Busy day, waiting to go out for coffee. This weird little middle aged guy in shorts and a half shirt came in with a small stack of records. For the most part they were beat to shit but he had a couple of decent ones. He was describing each one before he gave it to me, he handed me a Beach Boys-Greatest Hits
“Here’s one, the fuckin’ Beatles, this gottttta be worth a buck, right?
“That’s The Beach Boys, man and it’s pretty scratched up”
“No, man that’s the fuckin’ Beatles. It’s got some old weed in it and shit but it’s a good one…it’ll play.”
“Yeah, no. It’s way too scratchy and it ain’t the Beatles”
He gave me a palm up shrug, with a smirk (you win this battle)
“How about this one, fuckin’ Cheech and Chong- Big Bambu, you know this one right?”
“Yeah, but it’s only really worth anything if it has the giant rolling paper in it”
“No man, it don’t…I lent this to my ex…and she probably took it…you know how that shit goes…Oh, and it’s scratched up”
yeah, man you’re not really selling me on it.”
“really? ”
We settled on a price for the ones I wanted and I went out for coffee. I saw the guy as I was going into Starbucks, “Hey record dude, coffee. Yeah!”

...and it's scratched

…and it’s scratched


I Hate Me, part 446,186

It was a slow day at work until about fifteen minutes before Matt left for the day. It seemed like the bus from crazytown (not the band) made an unscheduled stop, which it often does. A woman was asking for a ton of different cd’s, most of it was late 90’s metal and soul. She was asking for them in half song titles and misheard lyrics but no band names. I would show her a section she was looking for and before I could turn around, she would be asking another question from a different part of the store. It had the vibe of one of those Japanese horror movies where there are people who crawl out of TV sets, swivel their heads and crawl on the wall. While this was going on another guy was asking if I was going to see Steely Dan at the Count Basie, I wasn’t. He wasn’t either but…”Yeah, I paid $50 to see Andrew Dice Clay there and it was great, he still got it…about 100 women walked out…yeah he still got it. He did new stuff but he didn’t do any nursery rhymes…so when he was done, I ran up front and yelled NURSERY RHYMES, MOTHERFUCKER! and he turned around, looked at me and he did all the nursery rhymes…yeah, he’s like Bob Dylan…nobody wants to hear your new shit, dude. They wanna hear the old stuff…the stuff that made you great.” The 90’s metal/soul woman was there for another hour but bought a few cd’s.

he's like Bob Dylan

he’s like Bob Dylan

I Hate Me, part 472,914

One of the many problems of being a middle aged man who works at a record store that you don’t own is that you get mistaken as the owner. This usually happens by the tire kickers who come in on friday nights while they’re waiting for a table to open up at a local restaurant. They’re not buying anything, they just want to look. Which is fine, a lot of the time I get a variation of,
“This is a great store, I hear records are making a comeback …you must be Jack”, (because why else would a middle aged man be working at a record store). “Thank you but I’m not Jack, I just work here” Most of the time I get a pitying look that seems to say “mmm I understand, times are tough…I’m sure things will pick up”. I respond to the pitying look with a wan smile and the transaction is over.
Last week a guy came in who was easily in his mid sixties and was looking through used records. I was on the other side of the counter pricing a large stack of them.
“I’ve been coming here since I was a kid” to nobody in particular
“….yeah, a long time…”
“Well Jacks has been here for over forty years.”
“…’re Jack, right?”
“How could I be Jack? I’m younger than you…I didn’t open the store when I was a child.”
“yeah, but I thought…”
“yeah?….thought what?…a…a time machine was involved?”
I stopped, bit my tongue a little too late, melted into the back room, slunk out another door and got a coffee.

the only way a 52 year old man could open up a record store 42 years ago

the only way a 52 year old man could open up a record store 42 years ago

I Hate Me, part, 422,916

I’m at work. Middle aged drunk guy sails over to the used LP section, The music that’s playing is the latest Daft Punk CD.
Guy- ugggghhhhhh! I’ve heard this a million times.
Me-Well, everyone who works here gets a turn to play what they want.
Guy- Yeah, it’s great but c’mon……hey you guys got good vinyls here.
Me-mmmmmm(thru gritted teeth)
Guy-whaddya know about this John Fogerty vinyl (holds up a copy of John Cafferty & the Beaver Brown Band-Tough All Over)
Me-Yeah, that’s not John Fogerty, it’s John Cafferty. he was an 80’s Springsteen knock-off.
Guy-Oh..Cause I never heard any of his stuff after Creedence, maybe I’ll check it out.
Me-That’s not the guy from Creedence, his name is FOGERTY, not CAFFERTY
Guy-…yeeeaaaah, I don’t know……………
Me- ……….Yeah, you should definitely get it, its his best album.
He did.

John Fogerty's greatest album

John Fogerty’s greatest album



I’ve been busy and lazy, a shit combination for somebody who says he likes to write…Some notes from over the Christmas holidays at work:

Older guy who comes in, a bit off, likes old nudist movies, it’s almost wholesome at this point. He bought a Playboy dvd a few years ago and it freaked him out.
Guy-Do you have any other nudist movies?
Me- No man, I think you got all we could get in
Guy-……… can you get any others?
Me-I’d need a title, we don’t have a breakdown of nudist movies on our computer that we can order.
Silence and he’s not leaving, it’s getting (more) uncomfortable
Me-……yeah…..I’d need a title….to order
Guy-……….mmmmmmmm………happy nude year?
Me-Diiid you just make that title up?
I looked up the title, no go.
Me- not listed, sorry
I went into the back until he left

Crazy drunk guy ordered 2 copies of Dr. Buzzard’s Original Savannah Band. Was really psyched when they came in and started to make a bit of a commotion, it was about 11am
Guy-Alright I got my two and I need two more! They make great fucking gifts! So then I’ll have four, right!?
Me- yeah, ok two more, we’ll give you a call.
Guy-And then I need six more
Me-Ok, so you want eight more all together.
Guy-No! I want six more pluuuuuss the two I ordered.
Me-the two you ordered last week and just picked up or the two you just ordered thirty seconds ago?
Me-OK, try and follow me here, you ordered two last week and picked them up today
Me- then you ordered two more, about a minute ago
Me- then you just ordered six more after that
Me-So that’s eight (I held up 8 fingers) more you’re ordering all together?
Guy………………….yesssssss…..eighhhht more
A week later we get his order in and he comes in to pick them up. He comes to the back counter to complain
Guy- Did I order eight of these?
Me-Yeah.. you bought two then ordered two more then ordered six more right after that. You said they make gifts
Guy-They do…I must have been drunk but they do make great gifts.

I hear they make great gifts

I hear they make great gifts



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