Archive for the ‘ I LIKE RECORDS ’ Category

I LIKE RECORDS 78

here are two slight stories that add up to nothing

1)
[Record Store Day]
Phone Rings
“Hello, Jacks Music”
“……Yeeaahhh, is this the juice bar?”
“No, it’s a record store”
“…awwww..I REALLY wanted the juice bar”
“sorry”
“waitwaitwait…didja get the Phish* album in?”
I thought you wanted a juice bar”
“…Yeeeaaahh…I guess…but I REALLY want the Phish album”
“Well…the store in town that sold juice and records doesn’t sell records anymore and we don’t sell juice and we’re sold out of the Phish album.”
“…soooooo…do ya got the Phish record?”
“no”
“…annnnd no juice?”
“no”
“bummer 

*the Phish album Lawn Boy was a limited Record Store Day release

2)
A frantic guy came up to the back counter
“ya gotta find this cd for me”
He handed us a card that was written in Cyrillic, which I used to call “the Russian alphabet”. It’s not only a foreign language, it’s a foreign alphabet
“this is in cyrillic, do you have a translation?”
“can’t you type it in?”
“well, no it’s a different language with a different alphabet, don’t you know what it is?”
“no…so you can’t type it in”
“no..most of these letters don’t exist in english..what’s this letter, it looks like a lowercase b with a hat”
“but, I really want that cd”
“well..you’re gonna have to do some homework on it yourself”
“so……..you can’t do it?
“no”
And then I pretended I had a phone call.

Cyrillic Alphabet

Cyrillic Alphabet

Still more stuff found in records

Here’s a bunch more stuff I found in trashed records that people brought in to sell. [click on image to enlarge]

join the army

join the army

inserts2

Flying Fish shirt postcard. front

Flying Fish shirt postcard. front

back of card

back of card

ad from the Aquarian, 1979

ad from the Aquarian, 1979

TV guide, week of October 27, 1978

TV guide, week of October 27, 1978

Also from TV Guide October 27, 1978. The rest of these were found in a beat up copy of Kiss-The Originals

Also from TV Guide October 27, 1978. The rest of these were found in a beat up copy of Kiss-The Originals

inserts8
inserts4-2
inserts5-1
inserts10
inserts12
inserts7

 

 

 

 

 

 

I LIKE RECORDS 77

How Not To Price Records

We had gotten in a pretty good copy of Beatles ’65 (in “mono”, for those keeping score), I was going to sell it for $7.99. I was pricing a stack of records and was going thru it pretty fast and was pretty sloppy. Here’s a re-creation of what happened with Beatles ’65

Fig.1: This looks like $1.99, it’s supposed to be $7.99, the top part of the seven or his “hat” as it’s known in pricing circles is not long enough. Luckily, it’s a quick fix

Fig. 1

Fig. 1

Fig. 2: Or is it? Instead of just extending it’s “hat” I gave the seven a “stabilizing bar” as is standard practice according to Num6ers: Number Writing in the 21st Century and Beyond (Lenny Harris, 2002 Tidewater Press) which I think is premier book on numbering. Anyhow, it doesn’t look like a 7, it looks like a deformed plus sign. So I went back in

Fig. 2

Fig. 2

Fig. 3: I fell into the classic numbering mistake of extending the “hat” too much, making it look like an unfinished “A” floating in space. Grrrrr.

Fig. 3

Fig. 3

Fig. 4: I should have paid attention to the old adage “Never number angry” but I didn’t and I wound up adding an extended “claw” to the “hat”. When done correctly a “claw hat” seven is a thing of beauty. This isn’t one of those times.

Fig. 4

Fig. 4

Fig. 5: Commonly known as a “Gorilla Monsoon” named after the former wrestler and amateur numberer. This is the final stop in numbering. Primitive, brutal and all but unreadable, the “Gorilla Monsoon” style has been the death of many Sharpies and has been rumored to cause job ending nightmares to more than a few of the more sensitive professional numberers

Fig. 5

Fig. 5

Fig. 6: I decided to remove the sticker and start over. So removing the sticker with all the finesse of a dull blunt object, I turned a $7.99 record into a $3.99 record. The end.

Fig. 6

Fig. 6

I LIKE RECORDS 76

[this one is kind of thin]

Guy looking through the cd racks and loudly reading the names on the dividers
“Blood Sweat and Tears….Bowie…yeah…Brian Jonestown Massacre?
…Brian…Jones…Town…Massacre?….Claaaaash”. This went on for a while and Matt eventually asked him if he needed any help
Guy-”yeah, where’s your folk rock section”
Matt- “we have a folk section and we have a rock section but we don’t have a folk rock section, who were you looking for?
Guy- “Bluegrass”
We then made a giant bonfire in the parking lot with all the cd’s and albums in the store*

*I just added that last part to make it more interesting. God knows it couldn’t be less interesting. Here’s a less interesting story just to make the above story more fascinating :
Guy- “do you have the new Bon Jovi cd?
Me- “sure, it’s right over here.”
Guy- “thanks.”
See, now the top story seems like it should be told at the Algonquin Round Table**

**I just added the A.R.T. (Algonquin Round Table for those not in the “know”) reference to show that I have sense of history, to give the blog a “literary gravitas” or at least the illusion of “literary””gravitas” or “lit” “era” “r” “y grav” “itas” “”***

***is it too early to start drinking?****

****no
File:Algrt

I Hate Me, part 156,390 / I LIKE RECORDS 75

A while back we got in a used copy of a Jimi Hendrix box set (West Coast Seattle Boy). It’s an eight lp set and this copy was missing album #6 and had two copies of album #7. We put it out used and I marked it explaining what was wrong with it. This middle aged guy came in, he sounded like he was from eastern europe. His english was halting and hard to understand.
Guy-So this is missing six albums…why should I buy?
me-No…it’s missing album NUMBER 6…there are eight lp’s in the box
Guy-No, six lp’s are missing not eight
me-no…no….grrruuuuuuhhh…there are eight lp’s (I held up eight fingers)…but there are…are two…two of one of them…soooooo…while there are eight (I held up 8 fingers again) albums IN THE BOX…there are only SEVEN (I held up 7 fingers)different albums…one of them is in there twice.
Guy-uhhhhh…
me-mmmmmmm?
Guy-uhhhhhh…may…be
I walked back behind the counter and went about pricing records, a couple of minutes later…
Guy-Do you have Budgie Yes?
me-we have a bunch of Yes albums but no Budgie
Guy-No Yes, Budgie Yes?
[AAAAAUGGHHHHH!]
me-uhhhh…uhhhhh…so…uhhh NO Yes…just Budgie?
Guy-Yes
me-sorry, no Budgie
I went back behind the counter again and went back to pricing records. I figured shit lightning could only strike twice, but…
Guy-Dave Brombeck
me-David Bromberg or Dave Brubeck?
Guy-Yes
me-no…no…it’s one or the other…David Bromberg is folk (I mimed playing a mandolin or a tiny guitar)…Dave Brubeck is Jazz (mimed playing piano)
Guy-where?
I pointed out where the two sections were on my way out the door for an emergency coffee.

"MARAJUANA MADNESS" found this in a copy of Led Zeppelin-In Through the Out Door

“MARAJUANA MADNESS” found this in a copy of Led Zeppelin-In Through the Out Door

I LIKE RECORDS 75

This was a few years ago when the cd business was in the midst of taking a nosedive. My boss wanted to diversify, more posters, rock trinkets, etc. We had a guy named Sol from Big Time Posters come by and see what he had. Now the poster business wasn’t in any great shape either, so it was two businesses in a downward spiral grasping at straws. Sol was stooped, late middle aged and pushy but he had little or no knowledge about the slop he was selling. It was weird and sadly funny like he was doing a performance piece. He was mainly pushing photographs of movie stars on wooden plaques. The kind of thing you might win at the boardwalk, if you weren’t lucky. First he kept calling Heath Ledger “Keith Ledger” and while I know that’s not a big deal, it was his blather that had me interested. “ya know the kids…they uh…go for this Keith Ledger guy…he was in that…uh Batman thing..he’s dead too…like uh…James Dean…I sell a lot of these”. He also had rock photos on plaques and referred to Led Zeppelin as “Len Zeppelin”, “Yeah..Len Zeppelin…the hard rock stuff is big…you guys sell albums…uh it’s a natural…these plaques are quality.” and he also had one for the Beatles, “yeah..the Beatles..everyone loves ‘em this is uh…from their movie..uh..a A Hard Not’s Not…uh..no A Hard Not’s Night…ah..ya know one of their movies…it was big.” It was like Dearth of a Salesman and we ended up buying nothing

which one is Len?

which one is Len?

I Hate Me, Part 155,902 / I LIKE RECORDS 74

We got a call at work a few weeks ago from a guy in south jersey who had “10,000” lp’s and lots of cd’s. The catch was A) some were water damaged B) he seemed crazy. I tried to explain to him that most water damaged records were at best useless unless the damage was minimal, the record itself was very rare and mold hadn’t set in. He changed his story over the course of a few phone calls. The final story was the records were all new and he was selling them for $4 a piece. The crazy seeped out of the phone when he was talking but Jack (my boss, owner of Jacks Music) figured it might be worth a trip to check out his collection. If it was as good as he claimed and he was willing to take a realistic offer for all of them it would be worth it. So we loaded up Jacks truck, set the GPS and headed down to Manahawkin (about an hour south of Red Bank). We got to his house, a woman let us in and yelled for Richard (the guy selling the records).
The room was packed with stuff including hundred’s of crappy records in terrible shape. We were waiting for about five minutes and I started running scenarios of some sort of “Hostel” type situation (Lured by the promise of collectable records, they walked into a deadly trap). The woman came back into the living room, “He’s not here yet?, RICHARD! THE GUYS ARE HERE ABOUT THE RECORDS! Jesus!”. Richard finally shambled out, a middle aged guy who looked like he had a rough paper route. He led us through a maze of tiny rooms that looked as if they were attached to the original house and had ignored most current building codes. We ended up in a tiny bedroom that had at most 2,000 records stacked up in corners and on dressers, all were used, most water damaged, some even damp.
Richard-How many records you think I got here, 10,000?
Me-Maybe 1,000 to 2,000, and you said they were new
Richard-A lot of them are
Me-None that I’ve seen and they all have water damage
Richard-…a couple of ‘em…yeah they do…I’ll fix them though… This is a special room…can you feel the spirits…the music…my wife and my son…he was in a band…Jason’s Hot Shit Band…a few of those guys are in semi-professional bands playing down here now (PHONE CALL)…Yeah I’m selling the records in 100 piece lots, $4 to $4.50 a piece, yeah they’re new, and ones that are opened ain’t never been played (looks over at Jack and me and shakes his head), NO, I ain’t gonna take a buck a piece for ‘em..(HANGS UP)…Man, what these people don’t understand is that I’m a member of the latter day saints and I’ll just donate ‘em to the church if I don’t get what I want for ‘em….feel that…feel that spirit in here…the spirit of music..music is learned or it ain’t…but just feel that…let me get another light, I’ll be back.
Me-Yeah..look man..I’m sorry but we’re not gonna be able to do anything with these… they’re all trashed, and some are still wet.
Richard-I’ll put the wet ones by the heater
Me-Yeah, that’s not gonna work..I’m sorry..really…yeah…
This uncomfortableness was broken up, when the phone rang
Richard-Hello…yeah, I’m the one sellin’ the records…
Me-..we’ll let ourselves out…thanks.
He waved goodbye and we headed home.
imgres

I Hate Me, Part 108,333/I LIKE RECORDS #73

We were short handed and pretty busy and a guy came up to the counter looking for some smooth jazz. Contrary to the mellow grooves of smooth jazz, most smooth jazz customers are hyper and a bit contentious.
Guy- yeah, I’m looking for some Bob Baldwin
Me-Bob Baldwin? Sure we should have some.
Guy- no, Bob Baldwin
(I am confused because that’s what I just said)
Me- Baldwin, B-A-L-D-W-I-N ?
Guy-no
Me- well could you spell it then?
Guy-(sighs)…B-A-L-W-I-N-W…..I-W-I-N-N…W…
Me-I don’t think that’s a real name, I’ll look it up (I type in the name. Nothing). Yeah, there’s nothing listed with that name… We do have stuff by Bob Baldwin, B-A-L-D-W-I-N
Guy-naaah, I’ll just look around
FIVE MINUTES LATER
Guy- I know how to spell it
Me-alright, let’s go
Guy- B-O-B
Me-(interrupting) yeah, I know how to spell BOB
Guy- oh..B-A-L-D-W-I-N
Me-that’s what I’ve been saying!
Guy- oh
He bought no cd’s

B-A-L-W-I-N-W.....I-W-I-N-N...W...

B-A-L-W-I-N-W…..I-W-I-N-N…W…

I Hate Me, 100,817/ I Like Records 72

Back at work, kind of crazy with Christmas. Phone call, old woman talking fast and raspy:
Me-Hello Jacks Music
Woman-All I want for Christmas is You
Me-..uh…Thank you, but I’m married
Woman-Noooo..the song and not by that Marilu McCarey
Me-Mariah Carey?
Woman-Gahhh..yes..there’s a guy Vince Vaughn Vince but a woman is singing NOT McCAREY
Me-That’s uh..Vince Vance
Woman-Yeah, Vince Vaughn and the Vancetones
Me-I think we might be out of it, let me check
Woman-Ok, I hate that Marilyn McCoo
Me-Mariah Carey?
Woman-Her too
(I look for the CD, we are out of it)
Me-I’m sorry, we’re out of it
Woman-ohhhh…ohhh you’re OUT of Vince Vaughn
Me- Yeah, no Vince Vaughn. Sorry.
Woman-I Hate how those people sing
Me-Those people?
Woman-You know, the NEW people
Me-No, I really don’t
(has there been an invasion of singing aliens that no one has told me about?)
Woman- “heavy sigh” so no Vince Vaughn, “heavy sigh”
-CLICK-

Vince Vaughn in his most challenging role

Vince Vaughn in his most challenging role

I Hate Me, part 166,670 / I LIKE RECORDS 71

There’s a crazy old man who comes into the store, actually there are a lot of crazy old men who come into the store this is just about one of them. He’s there for hours and asks odd questions about books and DVD’s and ends up buying a couple of books. He could be described as eccentric by someone with a bigger heart, I’ll stay with crazy.

Old Man-Every time I come here, I gotta go to the bathroom.

[As I walked to the bathroom to unlock it for him.]

Me-(non committal grunt)

Old Man-YEAH, EVERY TIME I COME IN HERE I GOTTA GO TO THE BATHROOM

Me-yeah, huh

OLD MAN-I SAID! EVERY TIME I COME INTO THIS STORE I GOTTA GO TO THE BATHROOM!!

Me-yeah, this store’ll do that to you

Old Man-What?

Me- nothin’ I was joking

Old Man-This store will make you do what?!

Me-Make you go to the bathroom.
Old Man-Really?!

Me-No,I was joking

Old Man-Do you really think the store makes me go to the bathroom?!

Me- No…no I don’t

Old Man- Well I gotta go bad

[we got to the bathroom and I unlocked the door for him]

Me-Alright then, have at it

Old Man- (as the door was closing) What?!

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