Archive for the ‘ news stories/magazine articles ’ Category

Micro-Refurbishing (Reprint)

[work has been crazy, and the heat , and I'm lazy, and anything I'm writing is awful(er). So here's a re-print]

 

 

Doing Their Part #1: Micro-Refurbishing

From time to time we here at Ugh! like to tip our hats to people who make a difference in our society. The following is an excerpt from The Manhattaner magazine (April, 2010).
Walt Terrell is a 48 year old salesman, he’s married with two children and he lives in Brooklyn. He cares deeply for the city and he wanted to do his part. After months of planning he hit upon an idea, he’s now the face of a new movement he’s hoping will sweep the nation, Micro-Refurbishing. We’ll let Walt describe what it’s all about, “Well, most people want to help change things for the better but they don’t know where to start. They usually attempt something big, they’re going for the grand gesture and when it doesn’t happen fast enough or they encounter some obstacle they get disappointed and quit. With micro-refurbishing we start small. I’ll give you an example, the Brooklyn Bridge is a national treasure but it gets a little shabby from time to time, so over a six week period last year I refurbished a bolt on the pedestrian walkway, well not the whole bolt, just the top part. I cleaned it with a wire brush and steel wool than I primed it and painted it. Good as new, actually I think it looks better than new. It makes the city a little bit better. I know this is still a pretty new idea and it’s blowing peoples minds, but I believe in it and I’m trying to get some corporate funding to keep going with it.” Walt has set up a website for interested parties http://www.microfurb.com MICRO-REFURBISHING: THINK SMALL, THEN THINK SMALLER

The bolt that walt refurbished

The bolt that walt refurbished

Met’s rumors

A&P Press 6/11/12
by Eddie Yost

The New York Mets are vigorously denying reports concerning a grisly solution to first baseman Ike Davis’s hitting woes. Davis, in his third year was once one of the bright spots in the Mets organization but health issues and an anemic batting average (.167) are troubling.
The shocking rumors state that a ritualistic sacrifice of ex-Met hero and current SNY television announcer Keith Hernandez was considered. Furthermore, Hernandez’s skin was to be fashioned into an unholy uniform for Davis to wear. The hopes being that this would appease the fickle baseball Gods and turn Davis’s season around.
An anonymous source close to the situation said in part, “Yeah, they (the Mets) talked to Hernandez’s people about the sacrifice thing…you know make a big deal out of it, giant stone alter in center field, fire works.. a real event. Of course his (Hernandez’s) people were not into it, at all. Frankly they were appalled..bad scene…believe me, the Metsie’s are gonna need to mend a lot of fences there. But Christ, they gotta do something. Management would be happy if Davis was hitting as good as (Ed) Kranepool or even Tim Harkness.”
 

REPRINT: The Cookie Puss by Ayn Rand

I’m working every day this week, so I’ll start off the week with a reprint:

A recently discovered manuscript by Ayn Rand is a fictional retelling of the Tom Carvel story. In this brief selection Worthington Toomus an ice cream reviewer for the New York Times is in the office of Francine Dominique another ice cream reviewer also from the New York Times.

She stood near the window looking out over the vast city, she said: “You’ve never actually done anything against Carvel, have you?” “Oh, my dear. Haven’t I” he replied. “Well you never mentioned him in your column.” “That my dear is what I’ve done against him.” “When did you first hear of him?” “When I first saw the design for Fudgie the Whale, and you?” “When I saw an early sketch for Cookie Puss.” “Not before?” “Not before.” She nodded towards the bright point of her cigarette reflection. And Toomus said softly “Look at it, Cookie Puss. A sublime achievement isn’t it? A heroic achievement. Think of the hundreds who worked to create this and the thousands who will profit by it.” His voice rose “Soft serve ice cream and frozen ice cream cake, society should shun such a free thinker, such an egoist. I shall crush mister Tom Carvel.”

Visionary? Egoist?

The Lin-sanity continues

Excerpted from The Manhattaner Magazine,2/20/12


The “LIN” sanity continues-by Craig Swan
The circus like atmosphere surrounding New York Knick Jeremy Lin shows no sign of abating. Now, almost a month into the “LIN”sanity a few questionable side stories have arisen:
Ben & Jerry’s “Taste the Lin-Sanity” was criticized for using pieces of crushed up fortune cookies in it’s recipe. The company quickly changed ingredients and is now using waffle cookies. However a bigger outrage is brewing over Ben & Jerry’s use of tears from Chinese dissidents to flavor the specialty. So far the company has not released a statement.

Doctor Mike Cubbage, an internist at Sloan-Kettering is facing disciplinary action concerning his diagnosis of a patient. The diagnosis was for Lin-phoma instead of Lymphoma. Dr. Cubbage has defended his actions through his lawyer, who read a prepared statement that read in part, “I knew that the patient is a Knicks fan so I wanted to ease into the diagnosis with a little joke”. Reports are that Cubbage is defending himself with a Laughter is the Best Medicine defense.

And in perhaps the oddest use of Jeremy Lin’s name, the New York Fascist League (NYFL) is posting flyers around Manhattan of Jeremy Lin with a Hitler mustache and the word HIT-LIN and their website address underneath. Spokesman L. Randle said in a statement, “We know it’s kind of a reach and yes, it really doesn’t make any sense at all but with all this hoopla around this Lin kid, we just wanted to get a little of it for ourselves.”

REPRINT: American Santa Vs. Russian Santa

[Yeah i know another goddamn reprint, but I'm completely under the gun. New stuff by monday. sorry]


American Santa Vs. Russian Santa

While going thru some of my parents’ old things, I came across a cold war era Christmas pamphlet that was distributed by the Bayonne Decency League (the BDL) entitled The American Santa Claus. Here’s an excerpt comparing the American Santa with the Russian Santa:

* The American Santa delivers toys and candy.
* The Russian Santa delivers savage beatings.

* The American Santa wears a red suit the same color as the proud red stripes of the American flag.
* The Russian Santa wears a suit stained red with the blood of innocents.

* The American Santa has friendly, patriotic reindeer pulling his sled thru the night sky.
* The Russian Santa has bloodthirsty flying wolves pulling a dilapidated prison wagon around.

* The American Santa puts toys and treats into stockings hung with care.
* The Russian Santa slops sour borscht into hollowed out peasant feet that are crudely nailed to a wall.

* The American Santa eats milk and cookies left out for him by boys and girls.
* The Russian Santa feasts on childrens dreams and drinks their frightened tears.

REPRINT: micro-refurbishing

[I just got back from tour yesterday, my band had a show last night (with Rocket From the Tombs, who were great). I am burnt. This is a reprint from February]


Doing Their Part #1: Micro-Refurbishing

From time to time we here at Ugh! like to tip our hats to people who make a difference in our society. The following is an excerpt from The Manhattaner magazine (April, 2010).
Walt Terrell is a 48 year old salesman, he’s married with two children and he lives in Brooklyn. He cares deeply for the city and he wanted to do his part. After months of planning he hit upon an idea, he’s now the face of a new movement he’s hoping will sweep the nation, Micro-Refurbishing. We’ll let Walt describe what it’s all about, “Well, most people want to help change things for the better but they don’t know where to start. They usually attempt something big, they’re going for the grand gesture and when it doesn’t happen fast enough or they encounter some obstacle they get disappointed and quit. With micro-refurbishing we start small. I’ll give you an example, the Brooklyn Bridge is a national treasure but it gets a little shabby from time to time, so over a six week period last year I refurbished a bolt on the pedestrian walkway, well not the whole bolt, just the top part. I cleaned it with a wire brush and steel wool than I primed it and painted it. Good as new, actually I think it looks better than new. It makes the city a little bit better. I know this is still a pretty new idea and it’s blowing peoples minds, but I believe in it and I’m trying to get some corporate funding to keep going with it.” Walt has set up a website for interested parties http://www.microfurb.com MICRO-REFURBISHING: THINK SMALL, THEN THINK SMALLER

the bolt that Walt refurbished

Lucas makes changes to Star Wars yet again.

A&P Press, Roy Staiger

LucasFilms has confirmed rumors that changes will be made to the upcoming release of “Star Wars: The Complete Saga” on Blu-Ray. The change that is igniting the most outrage on internet sites is having Darth Vader (now voiced by Alan Alda) yelling “Noooo!” when the Emperor (digitally re-enhanced to resemble Dick Cheney) is trying to kill Luke (who now has blue skin and antennas). Other changes include Princess Leia being re-voiced by Monique and the Yoda character is now a talking dog (voiced by comedian Gilbert Gottfried). In a statement Lucas says in part “Yes there are some small changes to the films but they are made to enhance the Star Wars experience.”

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