Archive for the ‘ Baseball and other sports ’ Category
[a disjointed rant written after watching the Mets lose again]
Last nights fifteen inning pathetic excuse for a baseball game between the Mets and what’s left of the Marlins was one of the more painful games I’ve ever subjected myself to. Neither team wanted to win, yet both were too incompetent to lose in a timely fashion. There were more people left on base than were in the stands. Fucking brutal. To call the Mets offense anemic is at best charitable and at worst besmirching the word anemic. Matt Harvey was great to watch, even if it wasn’t a good outing for him. Blah, blah, blah, being a Mets fan is tough, boo hoo. Readers of this blog who don’t live in America have suggested I watch “Football” or Snooker or simply go fuck myself.
[This is a reprint from last year when Ike Davis had a terrible start to his year, much like the start he's having this year]
A&P Press 6/11/12
by Eddie Yost
The New York Mets are vigorously denying reports concerning a grisly solution to first baseman Ike Davis’s hitting woes. Davis, in his third year was once one of the bright spots in the Mets organization but health issues and an anemic batting average (.167) are troubling.
The shocking rumors state that a ritualistic sacrifice of ex-Met hero and current SNY television announcer Keith Hernandez was considered. Furthermore, Hernandez’s skin was to be fashioned into an unholy uniform for Davis to wear. The hopes being that this would appease the fickle baseball Gods and turn Davis’s season around.
An anonymous source close to the situation said in part, “Yeah, they (the Mets) talked to Hernandez’s people about the sacrifice thing…you know make a big deal out of it, giant stone alter in center field, fire works.. a real event. Of course his (Hernandez’s) people were not into it, at all. Frankly they were appalled..bad scene…believe me, the Metsie’s are gonna need to mend a lot of fences there. But Christ, they gotta do something. Management would be happy if Davis was hitting as good as (Ed) Kranepool or even Tim Harkness.”
I am a baseball fan and I’m a Mets fan (which sounds like something that would be said at Mets Anonymous, “MA” meeting), so with pitchers and catchers are reporting to spring training I figured I’d post some pages from the 25th Anniversary score book. Enjoy or mock, it all depends on feelings towards the Metropolitans (as Steve Somers would call them). [click on image to enlarge]
[with Miguel Cabrera being the first player since 1967 to win baseball's triple crown, I'm reprinting a piece on the last triple crown winner, Carl Yastrzemski and his patented birth control pills]
(A&P Press, Kelly Stinnett)
(Montvale N.J.) Bayer pharmaceuticals bending to government pressure has released a statement explaining how their YAZ birth control pill works. The official statement which is a 10 page document can be broken down into a few understandable points:
* Boston Red Sox star and Hall of Famer (elected 1989) Carl “Yaz” Yastrzemski is multiply cloned and is shrunk down to approx. 1/100,000th of his original size.
* Thousands of “lil Yaz’s” are put into pills, armed with tiny baseball bats.
* After the YAZ contraceptive pill is taken, the microscopic Yaz’s burst free from their pills and form perimeters around unfertilized eggs.
* When sperm attempts to gain access to the egg they are attacked by thousands of bat wielding tiny Yaz’s
* Yaz’s success rate is 99% when taken according to instructions.
[I stayed up late watching the Mets lose, so i didn't get time to write anything, here's a reprint from a couple of years ago]
(Criterion Collection: 2 DVD set, $49.95)
The Criterion Collection has once again gone to the vaults to present an important yet overlooked filmmaker, in this case World Series winning manager Whitey Herzog. While greatly overshadowed cinematically by his brother Werner, Whiteys movies are pivotal in the evolution of filmmaking and they take on subjects that although altered would surface in his brothers films years later. Whitey’s first feature 1948’s Abner: The Anger of God (originally released through Filmtown Studios) is a hallucinatory retelling of the origin of baseball, the film takes place on an abandoned steamboat on the Mississippi river. The film made no money, got horrible reviews, and put the struggling Filmtown Studios out of business. However, an impressed Orson Welles saw the film and declared that it was a masterpiece and financed Herzogs second feature, Mister Hildago (released 1952, Wellfilms Studios). Welles not only financed but starred in Mister Hildago, which told the story of a minor league baseball team with a broken team bus that had to be dragged across the Appalachian Mountains. Mister Hildago was another bomb. Herzog and Welles never worked together again due to a heated argument over the infield fly rule. A disillusioned Herzog left his cinematic dreams to his younger brother Werner and had a hugely influential career in baseball. In Orson Welles autobiography Well, Well, Welles (1976, Remainder & Sons) he called Whitey Herzog “A complete ass, but not an untalented one”. In a 1981 Sports Illustrated interview when asked about his movie making past Herzog responded “I would call Orson Welles a louse but I don’t want to demean louses”.
The Criterion Collection 2 DVD set includes both Abner: The Anger of God and Mister Hildago in newly restored widescreen digital transfer. Also included is the short film, Evolution of the Balk (1949, 22 minutes) , two episodes of the unaired television series Umpy! -”Umpire by Day, Detective by Night”, which starred Larry Storch (1952, 46 minutes) and an interview with both Whitey & Werner Herzog on the David Susskind show (1983, 43 minutes).