Archive for the ‘ Baseball and other sports ’ Category

Many Extra Tales Sad (My Entire Team Sucks #10)

[a disjointed rant written after watching the Mets lose again]

Last nights fifteen inning pathetic excuse for a baseball game between the Mets and what’s left of the Marlins was one of the more painful games I’ve ever subjected myself to. Neither team wanted to win, yet both were too incompetent to lose in a timely fashion. There were more people left on base than were in the stands. Fucking brutal. To call the Mets offense anemic is at best charitable and at worst besmirching the word anemic. Matt Harvey was great to watch, even if it wasn’t a good outing for him. Blah, blah, blah, being a Mets fan is tough, boo hoo. Readers of this blog who don’t live in America have suggested I watch “Football” or Snooker or simply go fuck myself.

Much like the Mets themselves all MLB Club Cans with the Mets logo on them are flat

Much like the Mets themselves all MLB Club Cans with the Mets logo on them are flat

Reprint: the woes of Ike Davis

[This is a reprint from last year when Ike Davis had a terrible start to his year, much like the start he's having this year]

 

A&P Press 6/11/12
by Eddie Yost

The New York Mets are vigorously denying reports concerning a grisly solution to first baseman Ike Davis’s hitting woes. Davis, in his third year was once one of the bright spots in the Mets organization but health issues and an anemic batting average (.167) are troubling.
The shocking rumors state that a ritualistic sacrifice of ex-Met hero and current SNY television announcer Keith Hernandez was considered. Furthermore, Hernandez’s skin was to be fashioned into an unholy uniform for Davis to wear. The hopes being that this would appease the fickle baseball Gods and turn Davis’s season around.
An anonymous source close to the situation said in part, “Yeah, they (the Mets) talked to Hernandez’s people about the sacrifice thing…you know make a big deal out of it, giant stone alter in center field, fire works.. a real event. Of course his (Hernandez’s) people were not into it, at all. Frankly they were appalled..bad scene…believe me, the Metsie’s are gonna need to mend a lot of fences there. But Christ, they gotta do something. Management would be happy if Davis was hitting as good as (Ed) Kranepool or even Tim Harkness.”

'nuff said

’nuff said

 

Mets Official Anniversary Score Book 1962-1986

I am a baseball fan and I’m a Mets fan (which sounds like something that would be said at Mets Anonymous, “MA” meeting), so with pitchers and catchers are reporting to spring training I figured I’d post some pages from the 25th Anniversary score book. Enjoy or mock, it all depends on feelings towards the Metropolitans (as Steve Somers would call them). [click on image to enlarge]
mets 86 1mets 86 2
mets 86 3
mets 86 4mets 86 5
mets 86 6

REPRINT:Yaz

[with Miguel Cabrera being the first player since 1967 to win baseball's triple crown, I'm reprinting a piece on the last triple crown winner, Carl Yastrzemski and his patented birth control pills]

(A&P Press, Kelly Stinnett)
(Montvale N.J.) Bayer pharmaceuticals bending to government pressure has released a statement explaining how their YAZ birth control pill works. The official statement which is a 10 page document can be broken down into a few understandable points:

* Boston Red Sox star and Hall of Famer (elected 1989) Carl “Yaz” Yastrzemski is multiply cloned and is shrunk down to approx. 1/100,000th of his original size.

* Thousands of “lil Yaz’s” are put into pills, armed with tiny baseball bats.

* After the YAZ contraceptive pill is taken, the microscopic Yaz’s burst free from their pills and form perimeters around unfertilized eggs.

* When sperm attempts to gain access to the egg they are attacked by thousands of bat wielding tiny Yaz’s

* Yaz’s success rate is 99% when taken according to instructions.

This “Yaz”…

…is made from this “Yaz”

 

Mets win

I hadn’t really written anything about the Mets this year and I was going to do something today. Something about how Jason Bay might be taking PUDs (Performance Un-enhancing Drugs) and lots of other high minded baseball drivel. But, guess what? The Mets now might reach .500 (aka: the promised land) and I wasn’t left with much. So here’s a best seller list of records from WROW and Woolworth’s, 1959 [click on image to enlarge]

The Films of Whitey Herzog

 

[I stayed up late watching the Mets lose, so i didn't get time to write anything, here's a reprint from a couple of years ago]

(Criterion Collection: 2 DVD set, $49.95)

The Criterion Collection has once again gone to the vaults to present an important yet overlooked filmmaker, in this case World Series winning manager Whitey Herzog. While greatly overshadowed cinematically by his brother Werner, Whiteys movies are pivotal in the evolution of filmmaking and they take on subjects that although altered would surface in his brothers films years later. Whitey’s first feature 1948’s Abner: The Anger of God (originally released through Filmtown Studios) is a hallucinatory retelling of the origin of baseball, the film takes place on an abandoned steamboat on the Mississippi river. The film made no money, got horrible reviews, and put the struggling Filmtown Studios out of business. However, an impressed Orson Welles saw the film and declared that it was a masterpiece and financed Herzogs second feature, Mister Hildago (released 1952, Wellfilms Studios). Welles not only financed but starred in Mister Hildago, which told the story of a minor league baseball team with a broken team bus that had to be dragged across the Appalachian Mountains. Mister Hildago was another bomb. Herzog and Welles never worked together again due to a heated argument over the infield fly rule. A disillusioned Herzog left his cinematic dreams to his younger brother Werner and had a hugely influential career in baseball. In Orson Welles autobiography Well, Well, Welles (1976, Remainder & Sons) he called Whitey Herzog “A complete ass, but not an untalented one”. In a 1981 Sports Illustrated interview when asked about his movie making past Herzog responded “I would call Orson Welles a louse but I don’t want to demean louses”.
The Criterion Collection 2 DVD set includes both Abner: The Anger of God and Mister Hildago in newly restored widescreen digital transfer. Also included is the short film, Evolution of the Balk (1949, 22 minutes) , two episodes of the unaired television series Umpy! -”Umpire by Day, Detective by Night”, which starred Larry Storch (1952, 46 minutes) and an interview with both Whitey & Werner Herzog on the David Susskind show (1983, 43 minutes).

The Brothers Herzog, Whitey

and Werner

 

Reprint : Cable Chat

I have some horrible summer cold and feel awful, and I just watched the movie Contagion so I’m feeling a bit nervous as well. Here’s a reprint from way back in 2009:

 

Cable Chat
(Cable Chat is a discussion on cable TV shows and is not to be confused with Bridge Cable Chat a frank discussion on bridge building or Cable Stitch Chat our knitting forum. Sorry for any confusion.)

HBO is showing a great new documentary, Ted Williams!: There Goes the Greatest Hitter Who Ever Lived! which is filled with new information on what many pundits consider the greatest pure hitter baseball has produced.
Ted Williams nicknamed the Splendid Splinter (because of a giant 3 foot splinter that was removed from his back as a rookie) had a love/hate relationship with Boston where he played for the Red Sox from 1939-1960. During interviews with teammates Donald “Dandy” White, Jester Lee, and Cleveland Indians hall of fame pitcher Tommy “Earthquake” McGurk it was revealed that Williams would strangle a hobo as good luck before a home game and two or more before every road game. “It was just something that he did” says Dandy White “I always ate a good luck apple before a game but Ted had this thing about hobos. Sometimes when a playful mood struck him he’d skin a hobo and wear the skin as a suit. It was a grand prank and really loosened the fellas up. The only who didn’t like it was Jerry who was our clubhouse attendant and had to clean up hobo remains.” Indians pitcher Tommy “Earthquake” McGurk remembers “One day we were playing the Red Sox and Ted was in one of his foul tempers, it seemed like there wasn’t enough hobos to strangle to put him right. Well anyway it was the fifth inning and Ted went up to hit with no bat, nothin’, he just walked up to the plate and screamed TONIGHT, I AIN’T USIN’ A BAT and he punched the ball 400 ft for a home run. It was the damndest thing. I was only a little drunk at the time, so I’m pretty sure it happened.” Teammate Jester Lee reminisced “Ted was drunk one night on a drink he invented, he called it a Boston Baked Bean (10 parts whiskey, 1 baked bean, 5 parts whiskey, 1 rose petal, 6 parts whiskey (mull the baked bean and rose petal)) and he was sloshed and he said “When I die my progeny will cut off off my head and put it in a robot Ted Williams and he will be the greatest hitter forever, and he’ll do it without killing hobos”” Lee continued “Sometimes late at night Ted would get sad thinking about all the hobo’s he killed. Jesus, it must have been thousands. But it was a price he was willing to pay to be the best.”

HBO check local listings

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