Archive for the ‘ Uncategorized ’ Category

I Hate Me, part 491,922

Went to Foodtown the other night for some supplies, which included apples. Their apples were terrible, like red balloons full of mush. So I headed over to Whole Foods, Bought the stuff I needed, (the Pink Lady apples were pretty good) and headed to the checkout. There was one woman ahead of me, the checkout conveyer wasn’t full of food so I figured it wouldn’t be long and I plopped my groceries down. I ran into my brother-in-law there, he was in the next checkout line and we were shooting the shit about comic books and other world altering stuff. His line which had many people on it was moving quickly and I realized that mine hadn’t moved at all. I looked and there was the same amount of groceries from the woman in front still on the conveyer. I didn’t know what was going on until I saw the woman still had a full cart of food but was deciding on each piece of food before she put it on the conveyer. She was adding another step to the drudgery of shopping. Instead of what most people do which would be “Hey, I want 6 apples. These look good.”, she had bags of produce and then was thinning the herd at the counter. “I only want these three tomatoes, I don’t want the other two”, “mmmmm Yeah I don’t want this celery….wait wait…I take that back but I don’t want this one.” This went on for a long time, Dave had finished checking out and came over, we were exchanging some “WTF” looks, I’d never seen anything like it. Finally somebody came over from customer service and offered to ring me up at the customer service desk, and the long national nightmare was over.”

Whenever I see Pink Lady apples, I'm reminded of an 1980's variety show called Pink Lady & Jeff. I don't really remember the show but I remember the title was used as a punch line by some late night TV hosts

Whenever I see Pink Lady apples, I’m reminded of an 1980′s variety show called Pink Lady & Jeff. I don’t really remember the show but I remember the title was used as a punch line by some late night TV hosts

Sunday Music 7/20/14

Ty Segall Band-Tell Me What’s Inside Your Heart

This is from Slaughterhouse (2012, In The Red), the only album by Ty Segall Band not to be confused with Ty Segall himself and the many recordings under his own name. However you want to slice it Mr. Segall and his contemporaries (including but not exclusive to The Oh Sees, White Fence, and  Mikal Cronin) have been cranking out some of the best music I’ve heard in years. Slaughterhouse has parts that sound like a garage punk Hawkwind. This song is just perfect noisy garage pop


I Hate Me, part 429,019

I usually make my own lunch for work, in an effort to try and eat healthier. Most days I’ll finish it off with a low fat yogurt. After finishing a salad I was treating myself to Dannon “Light & Fit” raspberry yogurt. It doesn’t taste terrible, however the purplish color of it resembles nothing in the natural world. Unfortunately we had run out of spoons. I was furiously tearing apart the lunch table looking for a spoon, nothing. So I decided to use a fork. What’s a fork but a more adventurous spork and I could eat yogurt with a spork. So if I ate it really fast, and used a shoveling motion it might work. Looking back, I should have taped up the fork making it more spoon-like but hindsight is always 20-20. It ended up being a mess, with me having to change my shirt and the great “Yogurt with a Fork” debate was settled.

Sunday Music 7/13/14

Lithium X-mas : Hip Death Goddess
This is from the Dallas based band’s 1993 album Helldorado (Direct Hit). It’s a cover of an Ultimate Spinach song “Ballad of the Hip Death Goddess” from 1968


Ads, Flair Magazine

Flair Magazine from 1950 lasted a year. It was an early example of magazine as art object. It was a lavish magazine, most issues had  die cut covers, fold out pages, and attached inserts. Contributor’s included Dali, Tennessee Williams, Jean Cocteau and Saul Steinberg. The high cost of producing it killed the magazine pretty quickly. My mother had a complete set and while I’m sure there are sites out there dedicated to Flair, I don’t know if anybody ever posted some of the small black and white spot ads from it. Here are a few: [click on image to enlarge]
Scan 7
Scan 13
Scan 19
Scan 12
Scan 4
Scan 5
Scan 2
Scan 6

Sunday Music 7/6/14

Freedom’s Children-That Did it
South African heavy blues rock, sounding like a much more ragged Led Zeppelin. From the 1971 album Galactic Vibes


I Hate Me 400,88


[This reads a little cranky, sorry]

I had to go to Foodtown. As I was going to grab a cart, a woman sent her small child to get one as well. This kid was young, barely passed toddler and this task was above her level of competence. I know that kids should be encouraged to do things, it’s how they grow but at the same time, pick your spots. If there’s a long line at Starbucks don’t have your child stammer out your intricate latte order, it’s not cute and everybody in line hates you. Same thing here, if there are people waiting to grab a shopping cart, don’t send your overmatched child to wrestle with one for two minutes while you’re talking on your phone. By the time her child had won her battle with the cart there were three other people (one with children) also waiting for carts. The woman shot us a look and went into the store. Once in the store I went about my business, as I was passing the deli section I saw the same woman at the counter holding up her child who repeated the order that was being whispered into her ear. The deli clerk had a blank look of disgust. I got the rest of my stuff and went to the check out and aauughhh! I was stuck behind the woman and her child. Nothing happened but some of the woman’s groceries weren’t on the conveyer belt and were stuck at the end. She didn’t notice it so I moved it onto the belt, “That’s my food.” I explained that they were stuck and I moved them, this earned an eyebrow raise and some guy who just finished bagging, wearing a shirt with Jesus wearing sunglasses and “I’ll be back” written on it gave me the stink eye as well. Just get me outta here, I rang up my stuff and was ready to pay. There’s this thing called Blink, it’s a sensor on the card machine where you don’t have to swipe, just put the card near it. I’ve never used it, until…
“Ok you paid”
“No I didn’t, I didn’t swipe my card yet”
“The Blink thing got the information”
I was suddenly that old guy who had fallen behind technology and a younger person has to explain basic concepts in calm measured tones that one would associate with a sanitarium. The kid to his credit was explaining Blink to me, possibly over explaining it. I got the concept after the first couple of seconds, and the checkout line was growing. “ok……ok…okokok..I got it..yup…got it….thanks…sorry…thanks.” I was the asshole holding up the line, I grabbed my shit and slunk out.

Sunday Music, 6/29/14

River City Tanlines-Time 2 Get Right
Good summer music from this Memphis based band led by Alicja Trout (Lost Sounds). This is found on All 7 Inches Plus Two More (2005, Dirt Nap)


I Hate Me, part 471,997

A short note on my complete shallowness

For Christmas last year my brother bought my wife and I a Roku Box, it’s one of those devices where you can watch shows on Netflix. It was a great gift but I am terrible with most technology. I can muddle through but things usually break. I know slightly more than my wife does, which in the long run helps nobody and usually ends with me staring at the ground muttering “I’m sorry, I don’t fuckin’ know.” A technological equivalent of getting your ass kicked in a bar fight in front of your wife. My brother also mentioned that he wasn’t feeling good and he was going to the doctor. A couple of weeks later, I called him and was going to work into the conversation how I could use his help setting up the Roku Box. Before I could, he said that the doctor wanted to take a few tests. Which is never a phrase you want to hear, this also meant I would have to put off the Roku talk for a little while. A week later I called to see how he was doing, not good. The doctor hadn’t liked what he had seen in the last test and wanted to do something of a more invasive nature. There’s really nothing you can say at a time like that outside of a few hackneyed pep talkish chestnuts. If you get heavy and personal, it bums out the person who’s sick, “hey, I’m sure it’s nothin’…he’s just being thorough.” I was pretty freaked out (not as much as my brother of course), but in the back of my mind, a tiny part was yelling “you’re never gonna get that fuckin’ Roku Box set up.”  I went with him a few weeks later to the doctor where he had to get the results from a further procedure, we’re both more than a little weirded out. Sitting in the office waiting, rifling through old copies of Time magazine, not saying anything. I started thinking, worst case scenario he has to go through some sort of treatment. I know what would take his mind off of it, a small task. A small task like…setting up our Roku Box. I was hit with a tsunami of self loathing, am I that fucking shallow. Yes. A few minutes later, doctor calls him in. Everything’s fine, no problem, better be safe than sorry, etc.  So the story has a happy ending, except our Roku Box still isn’t set up yet.

still in the box

still in the box


Notes from Das Boot 207

Friday, 6/20/14 Loreley, Germany
We are at the Loreley Metalfest, it’s on the Rhine River and that’s beautiful but the festival is very metal. The crowd is a standard metal crowd, I saw a few people with inflatable swords already. Catering is small with an overwhelmed staff, there are two toilets for ten bands and it’s starting to rain. The bus is parked next to the “black metal” stage. Most of the singers sound like if you were making a cartoon of a backed up kitchen sink drain and the drain needed a voice “hellllp meeeee, i’mmmm clooooggggggged“, topped off by music that sounds like a squad of angry bees.

Saturday 6/21/14 en route to Hellfest, Clisson, France

There are signs that the end of the tour is close. One of the main ones is that tour shirts are being worn as the last bit of clean laundry runs out. We also ran out of sugar cubes so we are into a bag of sugar, which could be messy depending on how rough the drive goes. A few tours ago we ran out of sugar and I wanted some for my coffee. When I get a coffee in the morning on the bus I’m not looking for a sublime experience to savor, I want a caffeinated sugar bomb to wake my ass up. So we were out of sugar and I decided to try honey, ” it’s a sweetener, right? How bad could it be”. It was fucking terrible, there’s a a good reason why nobody uses honey for coffee.
10:30am en route to Hellfest
There was a lot of metal in Loreley that I wasn’t that familiar with. Mainly folk metal, which to my ears sounds like generic metal chugging along at a brisk pace with semi-aggro Cookie Monster vocals and then all of a sudden Pow! bagpipes, a hurdy gurdy, violin or a flute. Played with a grim seriousness that I would associate with people leading others into battle. “Follow that woman playing the hurdy-gurdy into battle my brothers, she will smite our oppressors!”
Last show today and I’m starting to do the math about how many hours instead of days until I get home. Last shows that are festivals make it a bit harder to tighten up all your luggage as you usually end up sorting through your shit in a field. Hopefully not a muddy field.
5:20pm Hellfest
We got here about 2pm and it’s a giant, hot, dusty clusterfuck. Everyone who works here kind of looks like they have their shit together until you ask them a question, any question. The answers are textbook lessons in circular bullshit, repeat answers to questions that weren’t asked until the person asking the question just gives up.

Monday 6/23/14
Back home. The rest of Hellfest was long and I missed the few bands I wanted to see because it was just so big and I was just so lazy, last day, just keep it movin’. We had a great show, good way to end the tour. Got to Charles de Gaulle Airport late so there was a lot of running around. Didn’t know that the cover of The Alan Parsons Project album I Robot was based on the moving sidewalks of the airport. It’s futuristic but the moving sidewalks are very spongy and have a queasy “here we go again” feeling to them. Got on the plane, I’d like to add how shitty and uncomfortable Boeing 757′s are especially on long sold out flights. There was a problem with the plane, waiting, waiting, deplane, wait for update, wait, wait, here’s a voucher for some food, wait, wait, flight has been canceled, pick up your bags, wait for hotel shuttle, go thru passport control, wait at bag carousel, Pow! Uncanceled, go back thru passport control, thru security, wait, wait, back on plane, wait, fly, wait at understaffed passport control at Newark, wait, van ride home, kiss wife, kiss wife again, pet dog, babble incoherently, fall asleep.

Loreley Metalfest: guys from Gravedigger preparing to dig a sonic grave of metal


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