I Hate Me, Part 287,111
My never ending quest for Jazz apples led me to an Acme Supermarket, not my backup supermarket in Fair Haven but the one in Shrewsbury (near Call Me Ishmael’s-Discount Whaling Supply Hut). Not my store of choice but here I was on a hot tip my wife got thru her Apple blog, Apples, Fuck Yeah! Well they had the Jazz apples and they seemed reasonably fresh. Unfortunately they were displayed (see diagrams below)in such a way that the apples were sitting on top of each other and it was like a game of apple Jenga, trying to pull out the freshest apples without disturbing the apples that were resting on them. I got two and then when I went for a third, POW! I grabbed the wrong apple and a good 8-10 apples started to fall off the display. I tried to grab them which made me drop the apples I already had and the result was about 10 apples rolling around the floor. There’s no way to look like anything but an idiot when scrambling for fallen apples, there should have been Benny Hill music playing in the store as I was trying to round up the fallen and now mostly bruised apples. An old woman was standing near the lettuce watching this happen and she just shook her head disgustedly at me like I had been playing a prank. I gathered up the apples, found four that weren’t terrible and slunk towards the checkout. That Acme now has a radioactive embarrassment half life of about six to eight months.