REPRINT:Yaz
[with Miguel Cabrera being the first player since 1967 to win baseball's triple crown, I'm reprinting a piece on the last triple crown winner, Carl Yastrzemski and his patented birth control pills]
(A&P Press, Kelly Stinnett)
(Montvale N.J.) Bayer pharmaceuticals bending to government pressure has released a statement explaining how their YAZ birth control pill works. The official statement which is a 10 page document can be broken down into a few understandable points:
* Boston Red Sox star and Hall of Famer (elected 1989) Carl “Yaz” Yastrzemski is multiply cloned and is shrunk down to approx. 1/100,000th of his original size.
* Thousands of “lil Yaz’s” are put into pills, armed with tiny baseball bats.
* After the YAZ contraceptive pill is taken, the microscopic Yaz’s burst free from their pills and form perimeters around unfertilized eggs.
* When sperm attempts to gain access to the egg they are attacked by thousands of bat wielding tiny Yaz’s
* Yaz’s success rate is 99% when taken according to instructions.
This “Yaz”…
…is made from this “Yaz”
In Yaz’s 23 year career, there were 3,726 games played, and Yaz appeared in 3,308, which roughly translates into a games played average of 89% …… so, technically, shouldn’t YAZ’s success rate also be at 89% ?? Are you trying to tell me that the HOF’er Yaz was more successful inside that he was outside ??
It’s all a big conspiracy between the FDA and the pharmaceutical’s to sell a lousy product for big bucks to an unsuspecting public while trading on the popularity of a famous baseball player.
I tell you what, if I got pregnant using YAZ birth control, I’d sue the makers of YAZ for everything they got and I’d sue the gray wool road uniform off Yaz’ ass too.