The Mechanical Horse/Pony
Over the years I’ve gotten some pretty good bookshelves and chairs on “big garbage night” or as the town calls it “Large Trash Pickup”. Red Bank has these a couple of times a year. The night before the pickup when the curbs are filled with the oversized and the unwanted, it’s like a town wide garage sale for ghosts. Most of the stuff we put out at the last one was gone before the town trucks came by. A couple of days after the last one my wife saw a freakish mechanical horse/pony standing guard outside a neighbors house. It was too late for the pickup and was just sitting there in hopes that someone would take it. We ended up with it. It’s now sitting on our porch taking up room and making the dog act suspicious. There’s a giant hole in it’s stomach where the batteries used to go, I suggested that we film the mechanical horse/pony giving birth to our dog Lucy in some horror movie infused unholy c-section. Carrie’s not really on board with the idea but I signed the dog to a three picture deal.
The horse with no name
The battery womb
The star of “Unholy Horse Dog Birth!”, (the title might need some punching up)
The middle picture would make a great centerfold in a plushie p0rn magazine.
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You should have never signed Lucy to a 3 picture deal, that’s a mistake. I just read over at TMZ that she’s already throwing diva like tantrums on set, demanding bowls of brown M&M’s only, and having vodka secretly placed in all her water bottles …. she already crashed her rented Porsche into the back of a truck, throwing the shooting schedule off …. oh, my bad, I was reading about someone named “Lindsey”, not “Lucy”.