Hate Me, Part 231,030

Here’s two:

1)I was at 7-11 getting a cup of coffee and while I was at the counter I saw a guy in a motorized wheelchair outside trying to get in. I did the right thing and opened the door for him. Unfortunately my foot was in his path and he sloooooowwly rolled over it. It really hurt and I let out a short “ow”:
Guy in Wheelchair: Was that your foot?
Me: Yes….No…I mean yes…Yes,…you ran over it…but no..no it’s not hurt…so…
By the time I had finished stammering he was careening down the candy aisle.

2)We get the sunday paper, it lands in the driveway and I always throw it on the porch on my way to work. We have a dog gate and my throws usually knock it over. It makes a lot of noise and it’s a pain in the ass to set up again. So I thought I’d try to lob it over the gate. It wound up on the roof. Which was embarrassing enough, unbeknownst to me Carrie was standing by the front door and saw the whole thing:
Carrie-Did you just throw the paper on the roof?
Me-Noooooooo…
Carrie-I just saw you do it
Me-Mayyybeee…
Carrie-Nice goin’
When I got home, the wind gods had blown it off of the roof .

    • kristy overman
    • May 21st, 2012

    ha.

    • Chris Burns
    • May 21st, 2012

    “Hoveround, takes me where I wanna go…” like over your foot, for example. And if that was the APP on the roof, it was higher than their journalistic standards have ever been.

    • fishbreath
    • May 21st, 2012

    i like that you said “maybe” (paper on the roof) to carrie—like you were haggling with gravity.

    • spank
    • May 21st, 2012

    Next time the Mrs. asks you if you threw the paper on the roof, do what I always do …. say no, and blame it on the dog.

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