I Hate Me, Part 300,002
Coffee Test
I was at work and went to Starbucks for a coffee. While there I was asked if i wanted to take a taste test for their new instant coffee called Via, it was intimated that a prize might be involved for taking the test. My thinking was more time there, less time at work and if there was a prize involved all the better. The woman poured two cups of black coffee and as I was about to drink the first one she said, “I just brewed it so it’s fresh and hot” and hot it was, molten hot to be precise. I just took a tiny sip and Aaaaaggghh! “Well how how did it taste?” Stealing a phrase from Ralph Wiggum, I said “It tastes like burning”. “OK, try this cup it’s not as hot.” Liar! If by not as hot she meant the difference between eating 5 lit matches and eating 10, then yes technically it wasn’t as hot. “Ok how was that one? Which one tastes better?” I couldn’t tell, all I could taste was scorched tongue, but I lied and pointed to the first cup. “Here’s your prize” It was a dollar off card and a free Via instant coffee packet. I mumbled an unintelligiable “thanks” and went back to work with what felt like a sock on my tongue.
Bwaaahhhh! Sock on yer tongue, 5 or 10 lit matches.
Why didn’t ya put the coffee between yer legs and drive off, like that dame did a few years back, and collected a fortune from McDonald’s for scorched thighs.
Ya coulda been on EZ Street by now instead of another thing to hate about yerself.
Harumph!
Starbucks secret ingredient is baby tears.
Is “Ugh!” aware of similar blog sites out there like “Feh!” and “Huh?” ? Just wondering.
Did No Ordinary Joes go outta bizness?
And how about “Mein Cup”? Are they still around? Hated their coffee. Always burned the beans.