Archive for August 21st, 2009

I Hate Me, Pt. 165,998

I went out yesterday while I was at work to get my wife some roses. She was having a crummy day and, well she is married to me so if that doesn’t deserve roses than I don’t really know what does. So I went to the florist who’s a block away, it’s usually empty there and time seems to stand still. The guy who runs it is a nice enough guy, but I have zero to say and the whole transaction takes too much time for complete silence. He has a couple of tattoos so that was good for one conversation, but it’s been uncomfortable (on my end) the last couple of times.
-Hi, can I get a dozen roses
-Sure, mixed?
-Yeah, that’s fine
TICKTICKTICKTICKTICKTICKTICKTICKTICKTICKTICKTICK
[The silence is killing me. I don’t know why, I usually like silence. Anyhow it’s excruciating, time is moving backwards. So I blurt out…]
-So those refrigerated flower cases…they look like they could be used in a restaurant kitchen…(WHAT!? )
-(the florist, clearly bothered that I spoke)..yeah…I don’t know..
-Of course not..And…why would you (hurry up with those goddamn roses)
-…Yeah, all I know is that they have to be thirty six degrees or I gotta call the guy. It’s gotta be colder for food, too cold and the flowers will be ruined.
-…I didn’t mean food and flowers, I just meant they’re cool and old looking and would look cool in a restaurant. (Why did I respond, stupidstupidstupid)
-Well they look old, but everything inside is new. I had to get a new compressor and that set me back two grand. So they may look old but…but they’re not old inside. [By this point he’s stopped wrapping the roses and he’s into talking about the refrigerator] Those doors have had some work done on them as well.
-Yeah,huh (aaaauuuurrrghh!)
the whole thing took less than ten minutes but it felt like ten hours

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