Archive for March 26th, 2009

I Hate Me, Part 231,091

dwarves

a dwarve, Mr. Cannotbenamed

The Dwarves record “Toolin’ For a Warm Teabag” (1988?) was kind of a big deal for me and some of my friends. It was noisy, fucked up, and mean spirited. Looking back, I’m sure Dwarves were playing it for a laugh but that was pre-internet and there was no info about them, just vague rumors of debauchery and great live shows. So I was pretty psyched when I found out they were playing CBGB’s. A few of us went up to see the show and we were anticipating an insane, no-holds barred punk rock spectacle. About ten minutes before they were supposed to play I went to the bathroom. I didn’t go to the one in CB’s which besides being legendarily disgusting was usually under half an inch of fetid water. I went next door to the CBGB Gallery which was a lot cleaner, took a piss and went back. I couldn’t have been more than five minutes. When I got back my friend Jim gave me a Whatthefuck?! look and told me I missed the greatest show he’d ever seen. Seconds after I walked out the front door the Dwarves got on stage and started playing. Halfway through the first song, Blag Dahlia the singer launched himself into the drum kit completely decimating it. The pissed off drummer started throwing his drums at Blag, the drums missed him but wound up in the crowd. There was some punches thrown, a bunch of shoving and everyone left the stage. Total show time, three minutes. I thought Jim was fucking with me until I saw various Dwarves picking up drum parts from where the audience was. That show took on somewhat mythical proportions, and I was reminded of it often, “Well you missed that fucking Dwarves show. That was the best show ever, by anybody. I can’t believe you fucking missed it to take a piss, you asshole.” I saw the Dwarves a few years later and they played about 20-25 minutes, which was way to long. Maybe three minutes was the right set length for them.

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